Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: A+ | 64 USERS: A- YOU GRADE IT The Busy, Wondrous Labor Day Of Alison DiLaurentis
By Jacob Clifton | Season 4 | Episode 24 | Aired on 03.18.2014
Peter: "Because go find my crazy-ass daughter before somebody figures out she's a drug-addicted spree murderer, that's why!"NOEL KAHN
Noel: "Here is your cash, a passport, and a plane ticket. You have one hour before... Um, I guess before A finds you? That seems kind of arbitrary."
Jacob: "Noel, you can stay if want! Enjoy the story with us, if you... Oh okay bye."
Alison: "Okay I just quickly have to spend that entire hour telling this weird story."
Aria: "Not to make this all about me, but..."
Alison: "Jesus, Aria. Okay fine, the Ezra part of this story."
HART & HUNTSMAN
Alison, pretending to be CeCe Drake's roommate at UPenn, gets a big girl drink and then sets her eyes on a tiny, lovely young man reading Tender Is The Night. Which blew my personal mind, because I was already thinking about Serena van der Woodsen based on how "Paparazzi" was playing -- "I'm gonna make you love me, Papa" -- that long-ago night at this pub (and because I am always already thinking about Serena van der Woodsen), and I always thought that would be a better favorite book for her than Beautiful & Damned. Anyway, Alison is in it to win it, so she Wikipedias that book before she even approaches him.
Ali: "Tragic, isn't it? I read it every summer, sunning in the French Riviera."
Ezra: "I am intrigued by your lying ass. You're a bit of a fabulist."
Ali: "You are immediately awful! Love that, me too."
Ali: "Ezra seemed to get that everything I said was made up and crazy, but he liked it. Maybe in the wrong way. I was flattered the first time he compared me to Holly Golightly, but later it turned out she wasn't glamorous Audrey Hepburn at all, she was just this phony homeless bitch who couldn't even name her cat."
Aria, choking up: "She didn't name her cat because she didn't think she deserved to be loved. They were just a couple of poor no-name slobs..."
Ali: "Fine, this can be all about you too. Fuck it. Just stop crying about Holly Golightly, you're coming off real Axis II right now."
There is a thing in all of these flashbacks where they make sure to set us straight that she wasn't fucking any of these people: The baby scare is the only thing I can think of that would keep her from being a virgin. And while that could be a slightly icky way of humanizing her for Season Five, I think it's more about the false bravado she carries into every scene.