Episode Report Card Demian: F | 209 USERS: C+ YOU GRADE IT Behold The Power Of Sleaze
By Demian | Season 6 | Episode 4 | Aired on 2003.10.12
Powers of the witches rise,
Course unseen across the skies,
Come to us who call you near,
Come to us and settle here.
During the recitation, Piper attempts to freeze them, but she's lost her abilities by the end of the spell's first line. Bright white fairy lights stream out of the Glamorous Ladies' bodies, traverse the short distance to the center parlor, and settle into the titular blondes. So much for that coursing-unseen stuff, fellas, huh? Even the bright white fairy lights on this show suck. Mange tosses out a hand to freeze the now-powerless Ps. Unfortunately, it's actually a Hand Of Discontent, and it vanquishes a table full of Grams's priceless antiques. The force of the explosion sends Piper flying against the stairwell wall, where she crashes to the floor. There's a quick shot of dyed Caro syrup "oozing" through the leg of her pants before La Milano's stunt double hurtles over the sofa to plant a stiletto in Jennifer Sky's stunt double's stomach. Jennifer Sky's stunt double whips backwards through the air to vanquish a lamp with her derriere. Midge levitates precisely five feet into the air -- heh -- to land a vicious kick on Phoebe's face. Phoebe flies back over the sofa to crumple near Piper's side in the hallway. Pause. Rewind. Play. Pause. Rewind. Play. Pause. Rewind. Slow-forward. Moron swings a wrought-iron lamp at Raige, but Raige instinctively orbs out in place, so the lamp just smashes into the wall. "Hey!" Moron snits. "That was supposed to be my power!" The battered Glamorous Ladies scramble into a huddle, and Raige orbs them out into the commercial break.
Attic. More exposition, Mimbo-style, and little of it's entertaining, so I'll try to make this quick. Moron's wicked pissed because she's been left powerless. Raige's orbing abilities came from her Whitelighter side, you'll recall, and the spell specified "powers of the witches." Of course, this means Moron should have plain old fling-shit-around telekinesis, but no one ever addresses that particular bit of logic, so let's all wave goodbye as it disappears forever into The Sucking Vortex Of Massive And Eternal Badness along with the rest of this fucking episode. In any event, Moron's anger's giving freshly-empathic Midge a migraine. Mange exhorts them to focus on the matter at hand, which is locating and killing the Glamorous Ladies before the Dolt figures out what's going on. Given the Dolt's negligible brainpower, the Mimbos should have years to take care of the gals. Mange's resolve evaporates, though, when she discovers the titular blondes' entry in the Book of Shadows. Moron and Midge crowd around as Mange reads, "The Stillman Sisters: Mabel, Mitzy, and Margo. Common witches known for their small-time hustles and cons. Not worth vanquishing. If they become a nuisance, try a simple spell to bind their magic." This dismissive account of their accomplishments sets the blondes to pouting until Mange reminds her sisters, "We got their powers, we got their Book, and we got...blonde, multi-tonal hair! Who's the nuisance now?" "We are!" Moron giggles. "Oh, yeah!" Midge grunts. Far below, the doorbell rings. Mange sends Midge off on Phoebe's dinner date "to keep up pretenses," while she and Moron hang back in the attic to work on spells.