Episode Report Card Miss Alli: C- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT In my beautiful (and slow) balloon
By Miss Alli | Season 8 | Episode 9 | Aired on 11.28.2005
The Weavers drive up to the high school and see the other cars, realizing that they've been saved by random bunching. They hoot and holler, of course. "Your Yield didn't work for us, sucker!" Rebecca yells out the window. Well...you came in last, dear, and you got here several hours after everyone else. That's how it's supposed to "work"; you just didn't get eliminated because of factors entirely outside anyone's control. The only thing anybody can hope to do is make you come in last. Gloating at the Linzes seems a little ill-advised, since they're the only team remaining that has yet to lose a leg. The Linzes and Gadzookskis, now waiting outside in the parking lot, note the Weavers' arrival. "Dude, they love it," says a Linz, relatively good-naturedly. "They showed up at the right time." The Weavers take the last number. Never one to be rude like other people, Rachel struts around the parking lot yelling about how they "got to sleep in a bed" (did you forget they had trailers, genius?), and dancing around with her arm over her head. Mama Weaver yells out a taunt to the Linzes: "Are you sorry you wasted your Yield? YOU WILL BE!"
Dear Mama Weaver: They didn't waste anything. "Waste" implies giving up something for nothing for which you could have gotten something. They couldn't have gotten anything more than they got. It was the last Yield on the race. There's no waste. You got Yielded as much as you possibly could have been Yielded by anyone. The Yielding of you was maximized. The other teams, as a group, got the maximum Weaver-Yielding that was available for their Yielding dollar. They're not going to become sorry they Yielded you, because they would be no worse off had they not Yielded you than they are for having Yielded you. Regret is not an option. Shut up, crazy lady.
At any rate, far from being shaken or even irritated in the way Mama Weaver wants, the other teams' reaction amounts mostly to variations on, "The fuck?" Undeterred and reading the room about as well as she would if she were a boiled potato, Mama walks up to Alex and says, "Thanks for wasting your Yield, YES!" and insists on high-fiving him, which high-five he agreeably returns. "No problem, dude," Alex says. "We thought you guys were right behind us." And now Mama turns slightly serious. "Are you sorry?" she demands to know. Yipes. This is exactly what she did to DJ, and it is so fucking creepy. (By the way, to find that incident in the recap, I searched on the words "definitively DJ," and realized instantly that Definitively DJ should be the name of his one-man music and variety hour when he inevitably develops one.)