Charmed

8-22 2006.05.21

Forever CANCELLED! Stick a fork in it. It's done.

3-15 Recap	Somewhere, Sigmund Freud spins in his grave Just Harried - Prue sorely tries the patience of all involved -- including your faithful recapper -- when her AP "Id" splits from her Special Ed "Ego," wreaking havoc on Piper and the Dolt's wedding ceremony in the process. A cast of thousands joins the Ps for this Very Special Episode, including Veronica Sawyer's mother, Harvey Keitel Lite, Bobby Briggs, Brian Hawkins, an Evil Smoker, Cher, Barbara Hershey's faithless husband from Beaches, the Colethazor, a plague of boy bands, Celine Dion, Anna Scorpio, Detective Duhrryl, and other assorted trash of the biker-bar type. Grab a cocktail and a scorecard and join in on the "fun," kids. The good news is that we never have to listen to Piper bitch about her wedding delays again. The bad news is they'll probably spring a divorce storyline on us within two months. Hooray! Or not.	2001.02.22 2001.02.27	B	Demian
3-14 Recap	The Contrived, the Unrealistic, and the Overlong The Good, The Bad, And The Cursed - Daddy Dearest Victor Bennett inadvertently places the Power of Three at risk when he uses Phoebe as the canary in the coal mine to check out a possible investment site, which is currently occupied by a rather active ghost town. Piper's plans for The Perfect Wedding are once again placed on ice when Phoebe is led to death's door because of her accidental involvement in the ghost town's sordid past. Prue is forced to bury the hatchet with Cole temporarily in order to save Phoebe's life. Prue and Cole squiggle on over to a parallel plane, where they meet John Ashcroft and a Magical Native American Guy, among others. The Dolt also gets some screentime, butChuckles the Crow owns this episode. Atta boy.	2001.02.15 2001.02.18	B	Demian
3-13 Recap	Something borrowed, something Prue Bride and Gloom - Piper's plans for a normal wedding grind to a predictable halt when a virulent form of, well, virulence causes her to freak out on the wedding planners and actually make her fiancé, well, die. Meanwhile, Prue is apprehended by the Rogaine product-placement department's next before-and-after project, and discovers that she's only desirable as a prospective wife if she agrees to spend the whole marriage flat on her back. Cole returns just in time to contend with angry demons, angry witches, and an angry costume department who foisted the heinous specter of Phoebe's knitwear on a now-angry nation.	2001.02.08 2001.02.11	B-	Djb
3-12 Recap	Wrestling with the Nielsens Wrestling With Demons - In a ratings ploy, Charmed imports a trio of WCW lugnuts to combat the new Thursday installments of Survivor II and CSI on CBS. The ploy failed miserably, but the episode was entertaining nonetheless. The lovely ladies of Halliwell Manor go up against the low-rent meat-axes of the WCW to save the soul of an adorable ex of Prue's. There's little Leo, which is a good thing, and a lot of ass-kicking, which is even better. Shame they had to ruin it with all that endless blather over Phoebe lying about the Colethazor. Idiots.	2001.02.01 2001.02.05	B+	Demian
3-11 Recap	Blinded by the Dolt Blinded By The Whitelighter - There's a warlock on the loose, and he's gunning for the Whitelighter Brigade. Prue, Piper, and Phoebe get a new guardian for this assignment, as The Powers That Be feel that the Dolt is letting his emotions cloud his judgment. Natalie is the new gal's name, and she's tough as nails, so of course the sisters immediately hate her with the blazing passion of a thousand suns. Will they overcome their differences to succeed in vanquishing the warlock before he destroys Heaven? I take it you don't watch this show very often. By the way, the Dolt gets a new nickname. I don't care if you hate me for it. The bastard deserves it.	2001.01.25 2001.01.30	B+	Demian
3-10 Recap	We all scream for ice cream We All Scream For Ice Cream - Well, some of us. I'm screaming for this crap to end. The production staff makes me grateful I have no need to breed as it parades ten -- count 'em, ten -- preadolescent nightmares before my eyes in this Very Special child-centric Charmed. I've a newfound admiration for my parents. How they managed to stagger through forty years of child-rearing without smothering me and my seven siblings as we slept is beyond my powers of comprehension. By the way, Prue, Piper, Phoebe, and the Dolt see some action in this one. No, not like that. Ew.	2001.01.18 2001.01.23	C-	Demian
Extra	FHM Hates Me The FHM Alyssa Milano Interview - A tightly-bodiced Alyssa Milano chats with Bridget Freer of For Him Magazine. The interview doesn't totally suck, but I'll never get those couple of hours of my life back. Or my $3.50. Join me as I take look at Alyssa's attitudes towards nudity, condom use, and Marky Mark, all courtesy of my least-favorite magazine for heterosexuals. My better instincts will be over there on the couch mocking Scarlett O'Hara. Something tells me that little activity is a whole hell of a lot more fun than this.	2001.01.03 2001.01.03	B+	Demian
3-9 Recap	Coyote Not-So-Ugly Coyote Piper - Except for the clothes and the hair and the alchemist and Leo, but we should expect all of that by now. Piper gets possessed by the Essence of Slut, and thus has a far better time at her high-school reunion than she thought she would. The Pruevert returns with a vengeance and sets her sights on a younger man who drives a sporty red convertible. Phoebe spends far too much of my time pining for her much, much older man, who unfortunately does not make an appearance in this episode. And as for me? Well, let's just say Julian McMahon has distracted me from how much I really hate Brian Krause. Take McMahon out of the episode, and I'm free to let the rage seethe. Asshole.	2001.01.11 2001.01.16	B+	Demian
3-8 Recap	I want Cole in my stocking this year Sleuthing With The Enemy - Many thanks to Laurie for the line above. Cole pleads "reformed" and Phoebe buys it hook, line, and sinker. Good thing, because Julian McMahon is quite simply too gorgeous to be vanquished. Prue formulates, Piper pontificates, Phoebe prevaricates, and a guest demon agitates. This episode, however, is Cole's to lose, and in Demian's heart of hearts, he doesn't. Like he ever could at this point.	2000.12.14 2000.12.18	B-	Demian
3-7 Recap	Cole, Shirtless, Part The Second Power Outage - In the second McMahonflesh sweeps episode, Cole hires a demon named Andras to help him destroy the Power of Three. Prue, Piper, and Phoebe get really honest with each other, then backpedal when they realize honesty is not in their best interests. Alyssa Milano looks better than she has any right to in black capri pants and a matching bustier, while the Andrews Sisters meet a nasty end down in Hell. Also, Julian McMahon takes his clothes off. Mmm.	2000.11.16 2000.11.21		Demian
Extra	For Heterosexual Morons FHM Interview With Shannen Doherty - I thought the recent puff pieces in the gay rags profiling Christopher Meloni and the cast of Showtime's forthcoming Queer as Folk stretched the limits of taste, what with Meloni being asked to reveal -- and revealing -- the "special part" of his anatomy in Out, and the boys from QaF quizzed on what ass tastes like in The Windy City Times. (Answer: "It tastes like ass.") Then I read the Shannen Doherty "interview" that accompanied her lingerie spread in For Him Magazine. Stereotypes exist for a reason, it seems: straight men really are more puerile than their gay counterparts when it comes to sex. And everything else.	2000.11.27 2000.11.27	D	Demian
3-6 Recap	Cole, Shirtless, Part The First The Primrose Path - I have no idea if stripping Julian McMahon of his clothes is a ratings stunt for sweeps, but you know what? I don't care. In the first of two shirtless McMahon episodes, Cole sends Prue a series of signs that lead her to Vince, a shut-in empath on the verge of suicide because of the voices in his head. Prue works a spell that transfers the empath power from Vince to herself, and we find out Vince the Empath Shut-In is actually Vinceres the Immortal Demonic Assassin. Oops. Prue quickly descends into madness, leaving Piper, Phoebe, and Leo to search for a solution alone. Also, Julian McMahon takes his clothes off. Mmm.	2000.11.09 2000.11.20		Demian
3-5 Recap	Stalker? I Don't Even Know Her. Sight Unseen - Piper and Phoebe stand impotently on the sidelines as Prue descends into stalker-induced paranoia. Darryl, meanwhile, limply meanders through this episode himself, his latex gloves his only friends. Cole proves quite a bit more virile -- if shady -- in his battle to rid himself of the new demon on the block. And let's just say that "impotent" and "Leo" can no longer be used next to each other in a sentence. Unfortunately.	2000.11.02 2000.11.06		Demian
3-4 Recap	I Have A Feeling We're Not In Toto Anymore, Kansas All Halliwells' Eve - Cole dons a wig appropriate for the front man in a seventies hair band in order to cut the Halliwell line of witches off at its head. Speaking of head, Leo and Darryl bond over a couple of Grimlocks while the Prue, Piper, and Phoebe shuttle back in time to save a certain Halliwell foremother from the dastardly plans of the forces of evil.	2000.10.26 2000.10.30		Demian
3-3 Recap	Once Upon A Time Once Upon A Time - Leo admits he's come to say goodbye, this time for good. The Powers That Be caught them red-handed trying to circumvent the rules, and Leo can never see Piper again. This episode just started, and I'm already bored.	2000.10.19 2000.10.19		Demian
3-2 Recap	Magic Hour Magic Hour - Brooke and the owl share a tender moment. I can't believe I just typed that last sentence.	2000.10.12 2000.10.12		Demian
3-1 Recap	The Honeymoon's Over The Honeymoon's Over - Seems there was a little misunderstanding between the abandoned Halliwell Ps over the division of responsibilities in middle sister Piper's absence. Phoebe expresses concern that Piper and Leo Wyatt might never return from Leo's Whitelighter land of orbed-off bliss, which Prue dismisses.	2000.10.05 2000.10.05		Demian
Extra	Episode Sneak Preview Episode Sneak Preview - Owen goes all M:I2 at Spelling HQ.	2000.06.20 2000.06.20		Owen
2-22 Recap	Be Careful What You Witch For Be Careful What You Witch For - Hell. Yes, we're literally in hell.	2000.05.18 2000.05.18		Owen
2-21 Recap	Apocalypse, Not Apocalypse, Not - Piper explains that she's just "hanging out, spending non-magic time" with her sisters. Leo asks for a raincheck. Prue urges them to go out to dinner while the callous Ps go to the club to "keep an eye" on things. (Because "keeping an eye" is far removed from the act of "lifting a finger.") Piper expositions that she's hired a good assistant manager to do that.	2000.05.11 2000.05.11		Owen
2-20 Recap	Astral Monkey Astral Monkey - NO ONE CARES WHERE DAN IS THIS EPISODE OR, FOR THAT MATTER, EVER.	2000.05.04 2000.05.04		Owen
2-19 Recap	Ex Libris Ex Libris - Prue gives extra-quick exposition about No. magazine sending her out to "capture faces" in the city (an assignment that has BUSY WORK stamped all over it, in my opinion) so Prue went to "the Haight, " i.e. the Haight-Ashbury District, I suppose, to take photos.	2000.04.27 2000.04.27		Owen
2-18 Recap	Chick Flick Chick Flick - Prue expositions some more about Dan being "the past" and how Piper's "future is in town tonight for dinner and a movie." Piper expositions some more about Leo and their wishes to be a normal couple. Owen returns from adding a forgotten fabric-softener sheet to the dryer.	2000.04.20 2000.04.20		Owen
2-17 Recap	How To Make A Quilt Out Of Americans How To Make A Quilt Out Of Americans - A demon cloud that takes the form of the disembodied head of Michael Jackson (if only!) demands to know, "WHO SUMMONED ME?" The old ladies are humbled by Cheeto's presence. He wants to know what they want.	2000.04.06 2000.04.06		Owen
2-16 Recap	Murphy's Luck Murphy's Luck - A St. Patrick's Day issue? What rag is this -- Highlights for Children? He expositions that Ms. Murphy is "the unluckiest woman in San Francisco. And she's Irish. Down the hall where they do the writing, they call that irony." (That's funny; down the hall at MBTV, the writers call that contrivance.)	2000.03.30 2000.03.30		Owen
2-15 Recap	Give Me A Sign Give Me A Sign - Jessup (played by special guest star Antonio Sabato, Jr.), stands up, muscles rippling. He’s confused, because he thought his hearing was next week. Bane looks intently at them and realizes, "I’ve never seen you guys before." The guards enter his cell anyway, and the men strip down to form a Sabato sandwich. Oh, my bad. I only thought I was inadvertently watching a gay porn video.	2000.02.24 2000.02.24		Owen
2-14 Recap	Pardon My Past Pardon My Past - Prue invites Pheebs downstairs for a study break. Phoebe can’t, because she has "too many phobias" -- to learn! Yuk yuk yuk. Not.	2000.02.17 2000.02.17		Owen
2-13 Recap	Animal Pragmatism Animal Pragmatism - UC Berkeley? Could Phoebe have possibly been accepted? What college is this?	2000.02.10 2000.02.10		Owen
2-12 Recap	Awakened Awakened - Piper believes that the club might be over the "occupancy limit" and starts throwing a little fit. We see a blurry POV shot of frat-boy two-stepping extras, and Piper collapses onto the floor.	2000.02.04 2000.02.04		Owen
2-11 Recap	Reckless Abandon Reckless Abandon - Prue had no idea her sister could knit. Word -- where does Piper find the time to run a business and keep house for her sisters and date the next-door neighbor, in addition to maintaining a crystal meth lab in the basement to supply the energy to perform all of these tasks?	2000.01.27 2000.01.27		Owen

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