|
8-22 2006.05.21 |
Forever CANCELLED! Stick a fork in it. It's done. |
| 6-7 Recap |
Soul Soporific
Soul Survivor - Raige frees a lawyer who sold his soul to Keith Szarabajka by tricking her sisters into vanquishing tonight's guest demon. Meanwhile, Piper dates, Tiny Gay Chris sabotages those dates with some cheap special effects, Phoebe encounters a lard-ass from her past, and Big Gay Chris and the Dolt go Jurassic. Oh, pardon me -- "Cretaceous." Shut up, Dolt. |
2003.11.02 2003.11.08 |
D |
Demian |
| 6-6 Recap |
Welcome To Fantathy Thithtern!
My Three Witches - Thimon from Go arrivezth in Than Franthithco to thuck the Glamorouth Ladieth into alternate realitiezth that ekthitht in hith well. It'th up to Big Gay Chrith to thave the Pth, which he doezth after getting himthelf thporked by a Darklighter'th crothbow. I promithed mythself I'd thtop typing like thith after that inithal paragraph, but it'th jutht too much fun! Thilliezth. |
2003.10.26 2003.11.01 |
C+ |
Demian |
| 6-5 Recap |
Never Was There A Tale Of More Woe!
Love's A Witch - Okay, so that's a complete lie, but if they're ripping off Romeo and Juliet for tonight's A-plot, the least I can do is oblige them with an appropriate quote. Raige finds herself in the middle of a decades-old feud between two witchy San Francisco families, and things only get worse when one of the dead combatants comes back from the grave to possess Raige's body. In other news, Phoebe's stoopid new power continues to annoy, but tonight Big Gay Chris finally does something about it. God, I love him. And I hate her. |
2003.10.19 2003.10.25 |
B+ |
Demian |
| 6-4 Recap |
Behold The Power Of Sleaze
The Power Of Three Blondes - The skanky Stillman sisters arrive on Prescott Street avec kneepads to swipe the Charmed Ones' identities and powers. Soon enough, everyone in the Glamorous Ladies' lives accepts the impostors as the real thing. Big Heroic Chris eventually figures out what's going on and saves the day, but not before his long-suffering husband loses most of his internal organs to the infernal machinations of Kern & Ko. I hate this show. |
2003.10.12 2003.10.18 |
D- |
Demian |
| 6-3 Recap |
Not Without My Done One
Forget Me...Not - Phoebe's stupid new power sparks an office-wide brawl, Raige helps a coworker avoid their lecherous boss's advances, Tiny Gay Chris and his Big Gay Self make some new friends, and Piper's fabulous hair saves the day. The Dolt? Fucking worthless, as usual. Color me shocked. |
2003.10.05 2003.10.09 |
B+ |
Demian |
| 6-2 Recap |
SPARKLE, Phoebe, SPARKLE! (Part II)
Valhalley Of The Dolls, Part Two - After the expected amounts of stupidity and angst, Phoebe and Raige free the Dolt from the Isle Of Dykes and force Piper to process her issues regarding the Dolt's promotion. And in the end, Piper and the Dolt receive one-way tickets to Splitsville. Like I care. |
2003.09.28 2003.10.05 |
C- |
Demian |
| 6-1 Recap |
SPARKLE, Phoebe, SPARKLE! (Part I)
Valhalley Of The Dolls, Part One - Piper's a moron, Raige is a dog-walker, Big Gay Chris macks on a chick, and Phoebe gets a new power. It's a mess -- an ungodly mess. But it's our mess, right? Right? RIGHT?! |
2003.09.28 2003.10.03 |
C- |
Demian |
| 5-23 Recap |
Revenge Of The Big Gay Done One (Part The Second)
Oh My Goddess, Part Two - The Glamorous Goddesses, after much Dolt-related angst and soul-searching, send the Titans to Hell. Piper freaks about the Dolt's promotion to Elder for a moment, but everything's made right when Big Gay Chris blows that damn dirty Dolt clear out of the sky. I love that crazy kid. |
2003.05.11 2003.05.20 |
B- |
Demian |
| 5-22 Recap |
Revenge Of The Big Gay Done One (Part The First)
Oh My Goddess, Part One - Mayhem erupts when a dimwitted dark demonic force releases the Titans from their three-thousand-year-old ice prison. The Glamorous Ladies panic, until a Big Gay Whitelighter from the future convinces the Dolt to unleash some super-secret Mythological Mojo from Whitelighterland. |
2003.05.11 2003.05.18 |
C |
Demian |
| 5-21 Recap |
Men Suck
Necromancing The Stone - Grams thinks The Done One is terribly wrong, Raige learns that Slampiece Ratbag has a wife and two kids, Chronic tries to enslave poor, wretched, put-upon Phoebe, and don't even get me started on the Dolt. |
2003.05.04 2003.05.11 |
A- |
Demian |
| 5-20 Recap |
Touch my monkey.
Sense And Sense Ability - Crazy Grace sends Marcel from Outbreak after the Glamorous Ladies. Unfortunately, it's Crazy Grace who ends up on the funeral pyre. Dammit! |
2003.04.27 2003.05.04 |
A- |
Demian |
| 5-19 Recap |
Nymrods Just Want Demian Dead
Nymphs Just Wanna Have Fun - This show is killing me. Killing me! A trio of wood nymphs seeks the Glamorous Ladies' protection when their satyr gets fried by Demian's newest new husband. Piper, evil witch that she is, fights frying with frying, and Demian once again finds himself alone and forlorn. Shrew. |
2003.04.20 2003.04.27 |
D- |
Demian |
| 5-18 Recap |
Prat House
Cat House - The Dolt has Issues, so everyone suffers. Piper casts a personal gain spell that imprisons Phoebe and Raige in her recollections of Dolts past. Also, Kit returns to shock everyone with his unbearably dowdy fashion sense. |
2003.04.13 2003.04.20 |
B+ |
Demian |
| 5-17 Recap |
This Show Blows, And I Want To Die
Lucky Charmed - Eye-searing fashions, god-awful accents, and one very prominent cooter tattoo make for an episode only Helen Keller could love. |
2003.04.06 2003.04.13 |
D- |
Demian |
| 5-16 Recap |
Baby's First Sucky Episode
Baby's First Demon - After much demon-related mayhem, The Done One finally gets a name. Grace Zabriskie, meanwhile, singlehandedly pulls this episode out of the toilet through sheer force of will. It still wasn't worth it. |
2003.03.30 2003.04.06 |
C- |
Demian |
| 5-15 Recap |
The Day. The Maaaaaagic. Died.
The Day The Magic Died - I started singing, "So sad -- that poor, aging Ladd hag." Asked the Phoebe, "Who would she be?" "Some old bat with a shag." And my friend Raige sniffed, "I thought Feebs was the slag." Good God! This'll be the day the Dolt cries -- And that'll be the moment I die. Because I'm going to KILL MYSELF. |
2003.02.16 2003.02.23 |
D |
Demian |
| 5-14 Recap |
Sand Francisco Dreamin'
Sand Francisco Dreamin' - I kept waiting for this one to start sucking, and it never really did. Come inside and watch me make an ass of myself gushing about one of the best episodes this show's ever produced. |
2003.02.09 2003.02.16 |
A |
Demian |
| 5-13 Recap |
Many Happy Returns
House Call - A slothful Dolt, passable effects, a general sense of self-mockery, and Our Lady Of The Dead Heathers. Slampiece Glenn's back, too, but his horrific hair-don't makes us all very sad indeed. |
2003.02.02 2003.02.09 |
B+ |
Demian |
| 5-12 Recap |
Centennial Charmed
Centennial Charmed - The one-hundredth episode features a butch Dolt, an even butcher Piper, a whiny Feebs, a victorious Raige, and the triumphant return of Miss Debbi Morgan. And oh, yeah, I almost forgot: Cole dies. |
2003.01.19 2003.01.26 |
C+ |
Demian |
| 5-11 Recap |
The Importance Of Being A Deranged Serial Killer
The Importance Of Being Phoebe - Because really, this one's all about Cole. Your favorite demonic boy toy and mine shreds Phoebe's professional reputation, sabotages Piper's club, frames Raige for murder, wrests control of the Nexus from the Glamorous Ladies, inhales The New And Improved Non-Dread Non-Woogy, gets a hummer from a shape-shifting bimbo, and still has time to remodel the Casa. Is there anything he can't do? Besides survive to the end of the season, of course. |
2003.01.12 2003.01.19 |
B- |
Demian |
| 5-10 Recap |
Y Tu Mammaries También
Y Tu Mummy También - Oh, pipe down. You know I had to do it, especially after Phoebe unleashed the Fun Bags on an unsuspecting Egypt to jiggle her way through a mortifyingly ludicrous version of The Dance Of The Seven Veils. Good thing Raige can add resurrection to her growing list of powers, because everyone who witnessed that embarrassment dropped dead. |
2003.01.05 2003.01.12 |
C+ |
Demian |
| 5-9 Recap |
You were expecting a Seuss joke here, weren't you?
Sam I Am - Sorry to disappoint. In this sturdy yet dull episode, Raige meets her long-lost, long-dead, home-wrecking, alcoholic, clumsy, foolish, ineffectual, and boring Whitelighter father, and it only serves to prove that watching other people booze it up it nowhere near as fun as boozing it up yourself. |
2002.11.17 2002.11.21 |
B |
Demian |
| 5-8 Recap |
A witch in time...
A Witch In Time - ...does not save Ken Marino! Hooray! Gonzo The Chinless Wonder gets shot twice in the chest, takes a ceremonial dagger in the heart, topples off a fourth-floor balcony, and then gets shot some more! This is the best episode ever! |
2002.11.10 2002.11.12 |
A- |
Demian |
| 5-7 Recap |
Sympathy For The Literary Convention
Sympathy For The Demon - Billy Drago returns to pick up another check from Spelling Productions, and I respectfully suggest that he spend the entire amount fixing his hideous teeth. A trip to the day spa couldn't hurt, either. Meanwhile, Contrivance and Foreshadowing molest Continuity on the Manor sun porch, and Phoebe gains points by socking the odious Ken Marino in the teeth. |
2002.11.03 2002.11.05 |
C+ |
Demian |
| 5-6 Recap |
Gypsies, Tramps, and Feebs
The Eyes Have It - How do we tell the difference? The Feebs is the only one who's still bitching about Cole. And he's not even in this episode! Moron. |
2002.10.20 2002.10.22 |
B |
Demian |
| 5-5 Recap |
Witches. Tights. Whatever.
Witches In Tights - Next time, toss Julian McMahon into the spandex. Then maybe I'll pay attention. |
2002.10.13 2002.10.14 |
C |
Demian |
| 5-4 Recap |
Siren Song
Siren Song - Color me shocked, but this one was pretty good. The percolating infant switches around Mom and Dolt's powers to teach the bickering marrieds a lesson. Meanwhile, Cole chokes Phoebe to death. See? I told you it was good. |
2002.10.06 2002.10.08 |
B+ |
Demian |
| 5-3 Recap |
Crappily Ever After
Happily Ever After - Come on. You know I had to say it. The good news: Grams! The bad news: Grams's hair! And Raige's dress! And Piper's surly pregnant-lady hormones! And Cole, with the moping! And Young Indiana Jones, with the aging badly! And the Dolt's giant, scary gargoyle head! And Phoebe's...well, Phoebe's everything, really. Hag. |
2002.09.29 2002.10.01 |
B+ |
Demian |
| 5-2 Recap |
Smells Like Fish, Tastes Like Chicken (Parte Deux)
A Witch's Tale, Part Two - No, I still haven't tried the mermaid paté. Why are you looking at me like that? |
2002.09.22 2002.09.24 |
B |
Demian |
| 5-1 Recap |
Smells Like Fish, Tastes Like Chicken (Parte Un)
A Witch's Tale, Part One - Not that I myself have ever had a mermaid salad sandwich on toasted wheat bread or, you know, enjoyed me some pan-seared mermaid washed down with a saucy Chardonnay. It's just what I've heard. |
2002.09.22 2002.09.24 |
C- |
Demian |