|
8-22 2006.05.21 |
Forever CANCELLED! Stick a fork in it. It's done. |
| 7-14 Recap |
Zane's World
Carpe Demon - Rejected alternate titles for this episode include The Zane Of Their Existence, Zane And The Art Of Motorcycle Maintenance, The Zane Mutiny, and The Legend Of Billy's Jeans. Billy Zane zooms into town, and Phoebe's panties may never be dry again. Damn you, Zane! |
2005.02.13 2005.02.19 |
B- |
Demian |
| 7-13 Recap |
Is That All There Is To Utopia? Is That All There Is?
Charmageddon - This episode gets off to a start as rotten as I'm Not Candy's teeth, but they somehow manage to pull it together long enough in the second half to make this one of the best in a very long time. And in the end, Utopia's been reversed, the Avatars are gone for good, and Brody's a Whitelighter. Yeah, I know. That last bit does suck big bags of crap, doesn't it? |
2005.01.30 2005.02.05 |
A- |
Demian |
| 7-12 Recap |
Something Better Change
Extreme Makeover: World Edition - And apparently what did change was the quality of the writing, the quality of the performances, and the quality of the special effects. They hit this one out of the park. No, I'm serious. Shockingly good. |
2005.01.23 2005.01.29 |
A- |
Demian |
| 7-11 Recap |
Secretly INSANE Brody And The Warehouse Of Doom
Ordinary Witches - Raige drags her latest slampiece into the past to relive the single worst afternoon of his life, in all its gory detail. I think she likes him. |
2005.01.16 2005.01.17 |
C |
Demian |
| 7-10 Recap |
Witless Protection
Witchness Protection - The Glamorous Ladies try and fail to protect Charisma Carpenter from Oded Fehr's evil bee hands. Yawn. Wake me up when someone kills stupid Raige for her asinine behavior this evening. |
2004.11.28 2004.12.04 |
C+ |
Demian |
| 7-9 Recap |
There's Something About The Dolt
There's Something About Leo - And boy, is it sticky. Kidding! I kid because I hate. The Dolt drops the Avatar bomb on the Glamorous Ladies, and hijinks ensue. If by "hijinks," of course, one means "death and despair for everyone involved." It's the feel-good Thanksgiving episode you've been waiting six and half years to see! |
2004.11.21 2004.11.27 |
B+ |
Demian |
| 7-8 Recap |
Farewell, My Liver
Charmed Noir - No, I didn't actually pull a Ray Milland and drink myself into a stupor during this one, but the temptation certainly was there. Raige and Li'l Bulging Brody get sucked into a pulpy, derivative detective novel concocted by a couple of those pesky Nit!wits, and hijinks ensue. It's better than it sounds. No, really. |
2004.11.14 2004.11.20 |
B- |
Demian |
| 7-7 Recap |
Big Chris To Watch Over Me
Someone To Witch Over Me - The Pretty returns for five minutes of drug-induced flashbacks to previous episodes. The flashbacks are hideously boring, but man. The Pretty. In a red t-shirt. With ridiculously bright new sneakers. Sigh. We missed you, Big Gay Chris. |
2004.10.31 2004.11.06 |
C- |
Demian |
| 7-6 Recap |
It's Just Another Menstrual Monday
Once In A Blue Moon - The Glamorous Ladies are inexplicably transformed into hellhounds when the second blue moon in one year coincides with their synchronized menstrual cycles. Kill me. Now. |
2004.10.17 2004.10.23 |
C |
Demian |
| 7-5 Recap |
If Death Doesn't Become Her, Will It At Least Shut Her Up?
Styx Feet Under - The "her" of course being a strident, annoying Piper. And then a blisteringly repugnant Raige. Unfortunately, the hag best suited for a shroud remains vital and yappy throughout. Stupid Phoebe ruins everything! |
2004.10.10 2004.10.16 |
C+ |
Demian |
| 7-4 Recap |
"Shiver Me Bitches!"
Charrrmed! - Yes, the parrot said, "Shiver me bitches!" No, I don't know how they got that one past the suits at the WB. But let me tell you, it was the only worthwhile moment in this evening's entire presentation. Arrr! |
2004.10.03 2004.10.09 |
D |
Demian |
| 7-3 Recap |
Wiccaning II: The, Um, Wiccaning, Actually
Cheaper By The Coven - Tiny Gay Chris spends most of the hour desperately seeking some much-needed attention from his neglectful family, but this one's all about the evil Psycho's supposed issues. Boring! Thank God for Grams, because otherwise? This one would have sucked ass. |
2004.09.26 2004.10.02 |
B |
Demian |
| 7-2 Recap |
Hag On A Nag
The Bare Witch Project - Piper risks a citation when she unleashes her right breast in public and, in a desperate attempt to keep the thing from bubbling over, sticks its business end in Tiny Gay Chris's agile little mouth at an outdoor café. Meanwhile, a charismatic Elder's threat to shut out all vagrant Nit!wits from Not!warts leads pensive Raige to ponder a career change that could carry some genuine risk, but she seems not to regret her decision when she finally swaps diaper duty at the Manor for more lofty pursuits at the school. In other news, the Head needles the Dolt atop the Golden Gate Bridge, and things get real quiet at Casa Demian -- a Sunday silence, if you will -- when the Feebs plants her decidedly bare and old rosebud upon a horse in a spectacular bid to out-skank guest innocent Lady Godiva as many in the resulting crowd chant their approval and foolish pleasure at Phoebe's latest assault on all that is decent and good. Needless to say, the whole thing made Demian want to go for gin. Feebs? Behave yourself in the future, you unbridled whore. |
2004.09.19 2004.09.25 |
D |
Demian |
| 7-1 Recap |
A Call To Many Crappy Arm-Like Digital Inserts Of Discontent
A Call To Arms - Featured in this crap-packed season premiere are Piper, the Dolt, Phoebe, Raige, the Psycho, Tiny Gay Chris, Barbas, the Doormat, Pepper Anderson, Stupid Uncle Phil, our intrepid Girl Editor, the Not!warts Nit!wits, a disembodied Head thingy, some random demon from way back in Season Five, and professional boyband fucktard Nick Lachey. With a cast that large, it's no wonder they had nothing left in the budget for decent effects. |
2004.09.12 2004.09.18 |
D- |
Demian |
| 6-23 Recap |
The Passion Of The Chris, Part II
It's a Bad, Bad, Bad, Bad World, Part Two - Big Gay Chris dies, and nothing else will ever matter again. Don't worry about me, though. I'll just be over here, sucking on a tailpipe in anticipation of a Chrisless seventh season. Bastards. |
2004.05.16 2004.05.24 |
B |
Demian |
| 6-22 Recap |
The Passion Of The Chris, Part I
It's a Bad, Bad, Bad, Bad World, Part One - Phoebe and Raige head to The Bizarro World to rescue Big Gay Chris and the Dolt as Piper heads into labor. Snidely and his Bizarro doppelganger are behind it all, of course, and surprisingly enough, Snidely's Bizarro version is a hell of a lot more entertaining than he is. Where did this shockingly entertaining episode come from, and why couldn't we have had more like it during the season? |
2004.05.16 2004.05.22 |
A- |
Demian |
| 6-21 Recap |
Biting the hand that snatches food from their mouths
Witch Wars - Krista Vernoff retreats from that Wonderfalls debacle to pen this hourlong screed against the reality television genre. Pity the episode was pummeled in the ratings by the Survivor finale. Irony! |
2004.05.09 2004.05.15 |
B- |
Demian |
| 6-20 Recap |
Schlong Day's Journey Into Raige
A Wrong Day's Journey Into Right - Don't look at me. The sickos on the forums came up with what you see above. And by the way, if they're going to reference that particular O'Neill play in an episode title, would it have killed them to saddle Piper with a morphine addition? I can just see her wandering through Not!warts with her wedding dress, babbling, "That was in the winter of senior year. Then in the spring something happened to me. Yes, I remember. I fell in love with a gargoyle-faced dolt and was so happy for a time!" It would be beautiful, man. Sniff. |
2004.05.02 2004.05.08 |
B- |
Demian |
| 6-19 Recap |
Sex Is Like A Misdemeanor
Crimes And Witch-Demeanors - Da more you miss, da meaner you get. No, it has absolutely nothing to do with this episode, but trust me: It's better this way. |
2004.04.25 2004.05.02 |
D- |
Demian |
| 6-18 Recap |
Chris Of The Spider Woman
Spin City - Sooner or later you're certain to meet -- in [72virg=ins], the Manor, the street -- there's no place on earth you're likely to miss Big Chris. Sooner or later! The Presidio's Dolt's doom! Chris's red contacts flicker in the dark of the gloom! And the webbing will shake. And the son? He is pissed! Here comes Big Chris. |
2004.04.18 2004.04.24 |
C |
Demian |
| 6-17 Recap |
"Pointless Filler Episode Number 128"
Hyde School Reunion - Containing "Stock Character Number 32," "Stock Character Number 87," "Stock Character Number 146," "Stock Character Number 253," and "The Feebs." This show blows. |
2004.03.14 2004.03.21 |
D- |
Demian |
| 6-16 Recap |
Sex And The Single Dolt
The Courtship Of Wyatt's Father - The Dolt quite literally nails Piper against a wall, so Big Gay Chris gets to stick around for a little while longer. With special guest appearances by yours truly, and several other familiar faces from the depths of Hell. Um. I mean, "TWoP Towers." |
2004.02.22 2004.02.28 |
B |
Demian |
| 6-15 Recap |
Let's Play Master And Servant
I Dream Of Phoebe - On second thought, let's not. A little too kinky, you know what I mean? Phoebe and Slampiece Buttfuck are transformed into genies who must acquiesce to the every whim of Big Gay Chris and special guest demon Saba Homayoon, respectively. The good news? Phoebe's thoroughly humiliated by Big Gay Chris. The even better news? Buttfuck and his mysterious and annoying problems with magic are outta here, permanently. |
2004.02.15 2004.02.21 |
B+ |
Demian |
| 6-14 Recap |
The Headless, The Sweathogs, And America's Crotch
The Legend Of Sleepy Halliwell - And if that headline doesn't scare you away from this one, none of the wicked foulness that follows possibly could. |
2004.02.08 2004.02.14 |
D- |
Demian |
| 6-13 Recap |
Mata Whori
Used Karma - And the Trademark Without Pity goes to xtremesage for this episode's alternate title. Once again, the alternate title is the best thing about this whole mess, but let's keep that to ourselves, shall we? |
2004.01.25 2004.01.31 |
C |
Demian |
| 6-12 Recap |
Eduardo Verástegui. Naked.
Prince Charmed - That's all you really need to know. |
2004.01.18 2004.01.25 |
C+ |
Demian |
| 6-11 Recap |
Hippie Bitches
Witchstock - The Glam Gals head to 1967 for no good reason whatsoever, and slaughter Continuity on their way there. Meanwhile, The Mighty Spooge Demon plays mind games with Grams, Big Gay Chris, and the Dolt. As Grams is the only one of the three humans with a fully functioning brain, The Spooge wins. |
2004.01.11 2004.01.17 |
D |
Demian |
| 6-10 Recap |
Big Gay Chris Went To 2026, And All I Got Was This Lousy Headache
Chris-Crossed - But I also got some spectacular Dolt abuse, so this episode earns an A. My husband finally gets an hour devoted to his backstory, and to no one's surprise, we discover that The Doltine Psycho's grown up to become a muscle-bound, power-mad sociopath who's destroyed both his family and the city that family's called home for generations. Rotten little son of a bitch. Erm. "Witch." |
2003.11.23 2003.11.30 |
A |
Demian |
| 6-9 Recap |
Little Monsters
Little Monsters - The Glamorous Ladies are flung into a tizzy of epic proportions when they find a half-Manticore infant buried in a pile of rags. After much furious debate and rampant bitchery, they decide to rescue the kid from his demonic relatives and reunite him with his human dad, played by the stunning Seth Peterson and his dewy eyes. Seth Peterson. Sigh. |
2003.11.16 2003.11.22 |
B+ |
Demian |
| 6-8 Recap |
The Madness Of Tiny Gay Chris
Sword And The City - The Manor Morons realize that Tiny Gay Chris is a freaky little sociopath when some moistened bint lobs a scimitar at him, and he promptly uses it to skewer Edward Atterton like a pig at an open-pit barbecue. Uh oh. |
2003.11.09 2003.11.15 |
B+ |
Demian |