|
8-22 2006.05.21 |
Forever CANCELLED! Stick a fork in it. It's done. |
| 8-22 Recap |
Forever CANCELLED!
Forever Charmed - Stick a fork in it. It's done. |
2006.05.21 2006.05.27 |
B- |
Demian |
| 8-21 Recap |
Kill Bimbo, Vol. 2
Kill Billie, Vol. 2 - In which the Manor dies a horrible death, rather than the titular Retard. Though, you know, they certainly won't be needing those sets again any time soon, because CANCELLED! |
2006.05.14 2006.05.21 |
C+ |
Demian |
| 8-20 Recap |
Frankly, You Morons, I Don't Give A Rat's Ass
Gone With The Witches - Because you and your Maggot Necks and your leprechauns and your Nefarious Demonic Plots For Retard Domination and your Ugly Rufus Wainwrights and your goddamned zombie fairy princesses and your goddamned zombie Triads have been CANCELLED! |
2006.05.07 2006.05.13 |
F |
Demian |
| 8-19 Recap |
The Three Stigmata Of Chrissssty Retard
The Jung And The Restless - Ssssecretly Evil Chrissssty hurls the Manor Morons onto a dream plane, then sends her maggoty-necked retard of a sister after them to prove to the latter just how selfish the Glamorous Ladies really are. The bad news? It works. The good news? CANCELLED! |
2006.04.30 2006.05.06 |
D |
Demian |
| 8-18 Recap |
The Short And Unhappy Marriage Of Raige Matthews-Mitchell
The Torn Identity - Two weeks after tripping down the aisle with Darling Henry, Raige has capital-I Issues with the union that send her reeling into the arms of Stoop -- but not for any of the many, many reasons you or I would go reeling into Victor Webster's arms, because stuff like that only happens on other television shows. You know, ones that haven't been CANCELLED! |
2006.04.23 2006.04.29 |
C- |
Demian |
| 8-17 Recap |
Li'l Orphan Retard
Generation Hex - Candor hires a couple of unvanquishable demonic freelancers to off Ma and Pa Retard, thereby earning for himself The Wrath Of Chrissssty. Meanwhile, Raige and Piper have no real subplot to speak of, while Stoop and the Feebs bungle their way through her monstrous dating history so she might learn to love again -- for the ninety-third time since this series began. CANCELLED! |
2006.04.16 2006.04.22 |
F |
Demian |
| 8-16 Recap |
Engaged And Confused
Engaged And Confused - Behind every good man there is a woman, and that woman was Martha Washington, man, and every day George would come home, she would have a big fat bowl waiting for him, man, when he come in the door, man, she was a hip, hip, hip lady, man. Sadly, Raige Matthews is no Martha Washington. |
2006.02.26 2006.03.04 |
C+ |
Demian |
| 8-15 Recap |
We Don't Need No Water, Let The Bimbo Retard Burn!
The Last Temptation Of Christy - And the Trademark Without Pity goes to the lovely and talented The Done One for the delightful lyric above that so succinctly captures audience reaction to Maggot Neck's too-close encounter with her sister's primary power this evening. Pity Raige and Phoebe had to intervene, isn't it? |
2006.02.19 2006.02.25 |
F |
Demian |
| 8-14 Recap |
Zodiac Killers
12 Angry Zen - And by the above, I refer not to this evening's dark demonic forces sent from the flaming maw of Hell, but rather to the typewriting crackmonkeys responsible for this evening's choppy, sloppy, nonsensical, poorly thought out, and disjointed piece of crap. Will no one ever cancel this show? Woe unto us, Les Moonves! |
2006.02.12 2006.02.18 |
F |
Demian |
| 8-13 Recap |
The Freaky Importance of Scrying Hard for the Power of Three Non-Blondes
Repo Manor - And the Trademark Without Pity goes to The Done One, with a crucial assist from Solidify, for that rather succinct encapsulation of the previous episodes the typewriting crackmonkeys tossed into a blender to come up with tonight's script. Guess what? It wasn't as bad as anyone expected it to be. Guess why? Minimal Retard, and when she was on screen, she was getting her oddly proportioned ass handed to her by The Dark Demonic Ps. It's fun for the whole family! |
2006.01.22 2006.01.28 |
C |
Demian |
| 8-12 Recap |
Revenge of the Retard
Payback's a Witch - Every time a fan barfs, a Whitelighter gets her hands! In related news, Raige loooooves Henry. |
2006.01.15 2006.01.21 |
C- |
Keckler |
| 8-11 Recap |
Retard Family Values
Mr. & Mrs. Witch - This week, the Manor Morons deal with the Retard's assassinating parents and learn that corporate America is evil. It's taken them eight years to realize that? |
2006.01.08 2006.01.14 |
F |
Keckler |
| 8-10 Recap |
Dolt, Be Not Proud
Vaya Con Leos - Because you're going to spend eternity as a massive, gargoyle-faced ice pop, you poor bastard. Damn you, Kern! |
2005.11.27 2005.12.03 |
C |
Demian |
| 8-9 Recap |
Piper Halliwell, Ph.D
Hulkus Pocus - Piper deploys her mad molecular biology skillz to concoct an antidote for a virus that's been ripping through the magical community. Of course, she does this in all of three seconds and off-screen, because this show sucks. Jesus. |
2005.11.20 2005.11.26 |
C- |
Demian |
| 8-8 Recap |
It's Absurd! It's A Bane! It's Supertard!
Battle Of The Hexes - Tonight, the typewriting crackmonkeys rehash the primary plot of "Witches In Tights" for The Retarded Bimbo's benefit, and what I said three years ago about that episode holds true for this one as well: Next time, toss Julian McMahon into the spandex. Then maybe I'll pay attention. This stupid, stupid show. |
2005.11.13 2005.11.19 |
D |
Demian |
| 8-7 Recap |
The One Where Demian Loses His Mind. Again.
The Lost Picture Show - Believe it or not, the latest all-but-crippling bout of insanity has nothing to do with the Glamorous Idiots, The Retarded Bimbo, the return of Raige's natural father, or the indifferently scripted piece of garbage the typewriting crackmonkeys are calling an episode this evening. This time, it's all about The Krause. |
2005.11.06 2005.11.12 |
F |
Demian |
| 8-6 Recap |
The Phantom Of The Maggot Neck Is Here
Kill Billie, Vol. 1 - For all of about a half an hour, until The Retarded Bimbo vanquishes his embarrassingly clad ass. They're never, ever going to cancel this garbage, are they? |
2005.10.30 2005.11.05 |
D |
Demian |
| 8-5 Recap |
Rebitched
Rewitched - Hey, if they can repurpose old titles for the episodes, I can do the same for the recaps, right? The Manor Morons cast off their glamours to rejoin society as Capital-H Heroes for the Department of Homeland Security. No, I'm not kidding with that. And I'm also not kidding when I assure you that this one wasn't nearly as wretched as the last three or fo-- oh, the hell with it: This one was pretty crappy, too. "Hero"? In the so-called War On Terror? Phoebe? I want to die. |
2005.10.23 2005.10.29 |
C- |
Demian |
| 8-4 Recap |
Desperate Crackmonkeys
Desperate Housewitches - The production's drastically reduced eighth-season budget has forced Brad Kern to yank all the party rock from his highly trained typewriting crackmonkeys' fun pipes. In the throes of severe withdrawal, they came up with this crap. Hey, do you have a better explanation? |
2005.10.16 2005.10.22 |
F |
Demian |
| 8-3 Recap |
Caged!
Run, Piper, Run - Will Piper come out a woman or a wildcat? That's the question on everyone's mind when Piper ends up in the slammer for a crime she didn't...oh, who am I trying to kid? That question is on no one's mind, because no one cares about this stupid show anymore. |
2005.10.09 2005.10.15 |
D |
Demian |
| 8-2 Recap |
Down The Bimbo-Hole
Malice In Wonderland - Twinkle, twinkle, Cooter Tat! How I wonder where you're at! Just above her cooch you fly! I shove daggers in my eyes! Twinkle, twinkle, Cooter Tat! How I wonder where you're...oh, screw it. Off with their heads! |
2005.10.02 2005.10.08 |
F |
Demian |
| 8-1 Recap |
Still Charmed And Sucking
Still Charmed & Kicking - Everything you expected it to be, and much, much less. The glamoured Glamorous Idiots get shunted aside so the evil Brad Kern can sling a 19-year-old retarded bimbo into bondage gear and parade her across the screen. It's too depressing for words. |
2005.09.25 2005.10.01 |
F |
Demian |
| 7-22 Recap |
And Something Bitchy This Way Goes
Something Wicca This Way Goes - For all of three and a half months, until it returns for a goddamned eighth season to inflict its seemingly neverending reign of bad writing and worse fashion sense upon the earth for at least another year. There is no justice in this world. |
2005.05.22 2005.05.28 |
D |
Demian |
| 7-21 Recap |
Tim Whoooooo? Inspector Whaaaaaa?
Death Becomes Them - That title's much funnier when you pretend you're Edna Garrett while you're reading it out loud. Trust me. Zankou slaughters, then zombifies a bunch of people near and dear to the Glamorous Ladies' hearts in order to weaken them to the point where he can snatch the Book of Shadows out of the nonexistent attic. Problem is, we've never seen any of these meat puppets before, ever, so please remind me: Why should we care? |
2005.05.15 2005.05.21 |
B- |
Demian |
| 7-20 Recap |
Jesus Is Just Alright With Me
Imaginary Fiends - Mainly because they turned Mangy Jesus into Junior Dolt for this episode. Yes, the Glamorous Ladies manage to drag Mangy Jesus into the past from 2028. Ask me if I care. Go on. Ask. |
2005.05.08 2005.05.14 |
D |
Demian |
| 7-19 Recap |
"Your Phoebe's So Ugly..."
Freaky Phoebe - "...instead of putting the bungee cord on her ankle, they wrap it around her neck." If only. The Manor Morons battle a differently beautied dark demonic force who just wants to be loved. Is that so wrong? |
2005.05.01 2005.05.07 |
C- |
Demian |
| 7-18 Recap |
Suddenly Katya!
Little Box Of Horrors - Is torturing coeds! Suddenly coeds! Cringe in despair! Suddenly Katya is here to provide us with brisk condescension -- Katya's our friend! Until stupid Raige vanquishes her. Annoying! |
2005.04.24 2005.04.30 |
B- |
Demian |
| 7-17 Recap |
Welcome To The Dolthouse
Scry Hard - An nefarious demonic attack leaves the Dolt with a gaping hole in his back fat, so the Psycho decides to trap both of his parents in a Manor-replica dollhouse up in the attic. Because he wants his father to bleed to death. And you still think that little freak is cute? |
2005.04.17 2005.04.23 |
B- |
Demian |
| 7-16 Recap |
This/Sucks
The Seven Year Witch - And not even Julian McMahon's return to Charmed after two years on the far-superior Nip/Tuck can save it. No demons. No innocents. No Glamorous Lady in any real peril. No spells or potions or Gay Chris, either Tiny or Big. Just the Dolt, on an hour-long walkabout in the West Texas wilderness. I hate life. |
2005.04.10 2005.04.16 |
D |
Demian |
| 7-15 Recap |
And The Band Played On
Show Ghouls - Until they were all immolated in a horrific nightclub fire. And then they played some more, until they were immolated in another horrific nightclub fire, because the stupid band's caught in a stupid time loop. Morons. |
2005.02.20 2005.02.26 |
C |
Demian |