Episode Report Card Demian: D+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Rebitched
By Demian | Season 8 | Episode 5 | Aired on 10.22.2005
We get a replay of that brief, super-speed, scattershot San Francisco montage they used in an episode whose name I have long since thankgodfully forgotten, before landing somewhere on the Paramount backlot in Los Angeles, where a Latino gent in a disheveled suit stands on the sidewalk, screaming something about a car accident and his injured and pregnant wife as hundreds of utterly unconcerned pedestrians pass him by, before some fat guy finally stops to help. The screamy Latino directs Porky down the street into an alleyway -- which is certain to be dank, forbidding, and of doom, if you know what I mean -- and so Fatty Fatty Two-By-Four waddles off as fast as his overburdened legs can carry him. The screamy Latino, meanwhile, lingers for a long and calming moment on the pavement in front of a blue directional street sign for The California Pacific Memorial Medical Center Davies Campus HOSPITAL before raising his left hand into the air while practically rolling his eyes into the back of his head. A swirling, swarming cloud of what appear to be supernaturally flying fire ants quickly materializes and zips after the offscreen Hogzilla. The no longer screamy and in fact quite sinister Latino smears out. From the middle of a sidewalk thronging with evidently unconcerned passersby. This show. Jesus.
Back in The Dank And Forbidding Alleyway Of Porcine Doom, Hogzilla hits a dead end and maneuvers his massive bulk around just in time to get a faceful of supernaturally flying fire ants. Ooops.
Out on the street, which is Union, which is nowhere near the coordinates Raige identified on the map up in the nonexistent attic, and this show sucks, and I want to die, The Retarded Bimbo rather conveniently pulls over to the curb in Raige's Volkswagen just as the attack begins, and I really don't think it's such a good idea for the state of California to issue drivers licenses to the developmentally disabled, do you? But that's neither here nor there at the moment, for The Retard's just now picking up on Hogzilla's shrieks of agony and terror. We cut briefly into the alleyway, where we see several of the supernaturally flying fire ants "slicing" through both Hogzilla's workshirt and jeans and the alarmingly ample flesh beneath. The Retard races into the alleyway, takes quick stock of the improbable situation, and immediately slams a couple of the supernaturally flying fire ants with her telekinetic mojo, blasting them into a stretch of corrugated metal and a chain-link fence, respectively, where the force of the impact causes them to explode. The remaining fire ants, presumably enraged, swarm over to dive-bomb The Retard instead. She starts punching and kicking at them before snapping her fingers closed around the wings of one, and in the close-up that follows, we can see that the wee ruddy little things are basically well-groomed flying monkeys with razor-sharp claws. The Retard bimbos something obvious about the creature's appearance until she's sliced by one of his little friends. She howls in pain and releases the tiny monkey, who rejoins the rest of his swarm to zip away around the corner. The Retarded Bimbo, clutching at her injured arm, clatters over to help Hogzilla to his feet before pushing all eighteen tons of him out of the alleyway and towards the hospital.