Episode Report Card Demian: D+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Rebitched
By Demian | Season 8 | Episode 5 | Aired on 10.22.2005
P3, and this episode's timeline is so completely screwed up, I can't figure out if it's the middle of the night or six o'clock in the evening, as Piper would have us believe when she mentions that dumb interview she's got with the hack from No. In any event, long story short, Agent Murphy's arrived in Piper's office to confront her glamoured self with a sheaf of grisly crime scene photographs starring Antosis's latest victim. Piper reacts to the images with what seems, to him, like an unnerving equanimity. Murphy explains that neither he nor his superiors believe the Halliwells are really dead, but he also assures Glamour Piper that, unlike Agent Keyes, he himself has no desire to harm the Manor Morons -- he simply wants to help. Piper clearly doesn't quite believe him, but she does falter a bit when he mentions the dozens of people who have been killed in the last month, in manners unnatural and by entities unknown. He reminds her that The Retarded Bimbo has his phone number should Glamour Piper choose to contact him, and leaves as Piper's cell receives a text message from home. "911," it reads. "[RETARD] IN TROUBLE."
Cut to the troubled retard in question, who's practically dragging another miniature-monkey-injured innocent towards a just-arriving taxi on a suspiciously suburban-looking side street. She loads the innocent into the cab while ordering the driver to get the guy to the nearest hospital as quickly as possible. After the cab takes off, The Retarded Bimbo canters off down another Dank And Forbidding Alleyway Of Doom as Antosis and The Imp Master smear in on a darkened corner of the street to watch her disappear. The demons once more sneer something sinister and desperately unimportant at one another before vanishing into yet another commercial break.
Nonexistent Attic. Raige scries for The Retarded Bimbo -- like, she's your charge, nimrod, so you might want to deploy your stupid Whitelightery Lo-Jack on her instead -- as Piper enters from the upper stairs for the latest news, of which there is not much. "I can't believe we're doing this again," Raige gripes after the three have finished babbling bits of information at one another of which the audience was already aware. "Agent Murphy thinks we never should have stopped," Piper reveals. Phoebe phrets that he's figured out who they actually are, but Piper assures her he hasn't. "But he's getting warmer," she cautions. Just then, Raige's scrying crystal drops down on a set of map coordinates (Union and Fillmore Streets in Pacific Heights) which we'll soon learn are meant to represent the Manor, but which contradict just about every other goddamned location the Manor's had in the past (including, but certainly not limited to, Washington Street south of the Presidio, Russian Hill, and Alamo Square). Charmed sucks.