Episode Report Card Demian: F | 1 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT And Something Bitchy This Way Goes
By Demian | Season 7 | Episode 22 | Aired on 05.21.2005
Nonexistent Attic. The gals orb in and immediately panic when they realize the vampire queen is nowhere to be found. Zankou, you see, received a premonition with Phoebe's purloined powers and "got to her first." He quickly smashes another vial at Piper's feet and soon enough, her powers flood from her body to join Phoebe's in Zankou. Piper, not quite buying it, tosses out a couple of tentative Hands. Nothing happens. "Looking for this?" Zankou sneers, thrusting his own hands out from his body. The resulting explosion sends Piper flying to the other end of the nonexistent room, where she demolishes yet another set of priceless antiques with her ass. Raige and Phoebe scamper over and orb out with their slightly injured sister. "Why didn't you kill them when you had the chance?" KHAAAAN! demands. "Because," Zankou snarls, "I don't have all their powers yet, dumb-ass."
Not!warts. The gals orb in and ease Piper onto a sofa while Raige bays for the ever-useless Elders. "They're not coming down," Piper sighs, drawing a bloodied hand from the fresh wound on her shoulder. "We're on our own now." "Yeah, and two powers down," Phoebe needlessly reminds them. The camera tracks past her to pull in tight on Raige, who takes a deep breath and exhales it with, "Something tells me we're not getting out of this one, girls." Piper gapes as Phoebe flares her nostrils right into the commercial break.
Not!warts. Aftermath. The Dolt applies gauze to Piper's shoulder wound as Phoebe and Raige process through recent events. Eventually, the Dolt offers to fetch the Psycho to heal Piper's latest gash, but she shakes her head at the idea. "I don't want to traumatize him again," she insists. "Well, he's gonna be traumatized soon enough!" Raige blurts. "I mean, who are we kidding? We're screwed!" "We can't think like that!" the useless Dolt splutters. "[Dolt]!" Phoebe blares. "It's over!" "He's got our house, he's got our Book, he's got two of our powers," she enumerates, before adding, "The only question is whether we can take him down with us!" An awkward pause follows as the idiots present absorb all that before Raige sighs, "I can't even believe we're having this conversation." The Dolt is very, very sad. Shut up, Dolt. "How do we do it?" Piper finally asks. Phoebe notes they'll need the Nexus banish from the Book of Shadows. They'll allow Zankou to reabsorb the Dread Friggin' Woogy, then cast the spell. The resulting vanquish should rid them of both Nexus and demon. "Hit two birds with one stone," Phoebe clarifies. "Don't you mean five?" Piper pointedly asks. "We're gonna have to be in there to say the spell." "Can't we just say it from in here?" Raige shrugs. "Not and get the timing right," Phoebe semi-literately garbles. "Well," Raige twitches with immense amounts of false bravado, "it's been nice knowing you ladies." This touching moment is interrupted by the sound of someone howling in pain far, far above their heads. "What was that?" the Dolt buhs.
It was Zankou, naturally, attempting to break into Not!warts. Unfortunately, the school's protective whatever repelled him, and he now finds himself dropping hundreds of feet through the air to land heavily on his back on the nonexistent attic's floor. "So close!" he pants before leaping to his feet to head to the Book's stand with, "There must be another way in." KHAAAAN!'s finally had enough of this bullshit, and lays it on the line for the boss: The Glamorous Ladies are obviously drawing Zankou away from the Nexus in order to ensnare him in some sort of a trap, and if Zankou allows them to do so, he'll get all of the henchdemons killed. Zankou, peeved at his underling's impertinence, turns from the Book to stare KHAAAAN! down. After a supposedly tense moment, the boys hurl FBODs at each other simultaneously. The things slam into each other in mid-air, setting off a minor enough explosion that nevertheless sends a shock wave spinning outwards through the room. Once it's dissipated, Zankou ambles over to his right-hand man, makes with the deeply disappointed noises, and rams his fist into KHAAAAN!'s chest. KHAAAAN! gasps and grunts and groans in despair before bursting into a spray of flame and demon bits as he howls and wails his way to The Waste Land. Zankou allows the smoke from the vanquish to waft around his head for a moment before he obstinately returns to the Book for a little more Not!warts-related abuse.