Episode Report Card Demian: F | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT And Something Bitchy This Way Goes
By Demian | Season 7 | Episode 22 | Aired on 05.21.2005
Manor. Oh, lovely. Another entirely pointless scene in what very well could have been the series finale. There's dissension in Zankou's ranks, you see, and the absolute only thing holding my interest during all of the subsequent babbling between KHAAAAN! and Justin Baldoni is the latter's chiseled torso. Yum. Why, yes! I am a shallow little bastard! Thanks for asking! Still, though: Yawn. Zankou eventually blazes into the center parlor to send all of the lesser henchdemons on their merry way. The last to leave is Justin Baldoni, who squiggles out after tossing a smoldering glare at his boss. Mrow. Once left alone with Zankou, KHAAAAN! hisses, "Do you really think [the Manor Morons] will leave the safety of [Not!warts]?" "I know they will!" Zankou smiles. "Now that I have Phoebe's powers," he explains, "I know exactly what they're gonna do next." Remember that, please, when Zankou fails to anticipate their every move at the end of the evening and so dies a horrible, explosive death. Ooops! Spoiler! "They will not humiliate me again," Zankou vows and with that, he turns and leaps up the stairs. KHAAAAN! glowers.
Trudeau Memorial, formerly Andy's House Of Beef, formerly The Loneliest Precinct House In The World, and BORING! Keyes has set up a command center in the precinct's conference room and, upon learning that a some pinko Commie fag of a San Francisco judge has refused his request for a wiretap, orders one of his agents to get "the A.G." on the phone to "circumvent this thing." However, not even the violent desecration of the Glamorous Ladies' constitutional rights can interest me in this scene. Pepper Anderson volunteers to break into the Manor equipped with a camera, because she has some never-explained axe to grind with the Halliwells. Keyes wavers for a bit, but eventually caves.
Hell. Raige orbs into a vampire lair with Piper and Phoebe, who warily eye the bats suspended from the chamber's ceiling once they've materialized. "Now what?" Phoebe asks. "We draw out the queen," Piper duhs, unleashing her mighty Hands of Discontent upon a few of the flying rodents, even though VAMPIRES ARE IMMUNE TO A WITCH'S POWERS, because this show blows, and I want to die, but what I really want to do is get through this stupid, awful, continuity-killing scene as quickly as possible, so I'll fast-forward to the bit where the vampire queen arrives to hear Piper pitch a proposal to join forces against Zankou, whom neither the vampire queen nor the Glamorous Ladies wants to see upon the throne of Hell, or something. The vampire queen agrees to the plan far too quickly, which should be a signal to the ladies that something's not quite right with the vampire queen, but the ladies are idiots, so whatever. "Okay, then!" Raige perks. "Follow us!" After Raige has vanished through the chamber's ceiling with her sisters in a cloud of orbs, the vampire queen sneers, "Fools!" Well, yes. Yes, they are. But we've known this for seven goddamned years, you wonky-eyed asshole, so I think you can shut up now.