Episode Report Card Demian: F | 1 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT And Something Bitchy This Way Goes
By Demian | Season 7 | Episode 22 | Aired on 05.21.2005
Basement. As Zankou blazes in at the foot of the stairs from the nonexistent attic, the gals stand above the Nexus's pit, hands linked, reciting the Dread Friggin' Woogy's summoning spell. Zankou immediately hurls the gals to the far side of the room with a blast of telekinetic energy so massive it knocks Phoebe out of her espadrilles and into a pair of sneakers. "You're too late!" Zankou scowls. "You can't take [the Dread Friggin' Woogy]. It's been in me -- it knows me now." He shakes his head dismissively and turns his attention back to the pit. "I should have done this before," he sighs before reciting once more the summoning spell. The Dread Friggin' Woogy quickly rises to pour once more into Zankou's body through his eyes as the Manor Morons gape in dismay. The Dread Friggin' Wankou trains his beetle-black eyes on the three and grumbles, "You can't stop me now!" "No?" Raige eyebrows. "Watch us!" Piper finishes. Phoebe whips out the Nexus banish -- which she apparently had time to copy onto a slip of paper at some point in the fifteen seconds between scenes -- and the three recite the following in unison:
From ancient time this power came
For all to have but none to reign:
Take it now, show no mercy,
For this power can no longer be.
Ooof. You'd think after seven seasons of this garbage, I'd be immune to the pain elicited by the crap spells. And you'd be wrong. In any event, Zankou started boiling red about halfway through the above and by the end, he'd begun to steam. Now that the spell's been cast in its entirety, bright rays of light burst through his skin and clothes as he emits a mighty roar of agony. "This is it!" Phoebe shouts above the din, grasping at her sisters' hands. Zankou lets loose one final scream and explodes in a massive fireball that plows through the basement to engulf the Glamorous Ladies. Outside, the agents goggle as the fireball shatters the basement's windows on all four sides of the house. Or maybe they're just horrified at the dreadful CGI'd cloud of smoke that now drifts up from the Manor's lowest level. You choose. "Aren't you glad I told you to wait?" the Doormat snorts. Look at the Doormat, with the snide remarks to Homeland Security agents! No, don't. Shut up, Doormat.
There follows a lengthy, unnecessary, and boring sequence of the feds invading the Manor with guns at the ready and Geiger counters bleeping and wow. I so do not care about any of this. The Doormat and Agent Keyes eventually arrive in the basement where, upon surveying the wreckage, the Doormat gulps, "Thank God nobody was in here." "Who said nobody was?" Keyes intones ominously. The Doormat is shocked and appalled to learn the Manor Morons were indeed present at the time of the explosion, and I'm sorry, but if they're trying to make us believe that the Doormat thinks the gals are dead, it's not working at all, mainly because Keyes states, "Trust me -- we would have spotted them if they'd left the house," at which point the Doormat, well aware of Raige's ability to orb from one place to another, would instantly disengage from the entire situation and not stand there as he does now, all forlorn and wrecked, whispering, "There's got to be another way out of here -- oh, dear God, please." What the fuck ever, Doormat. And Charmed? You can kiss my fucking ass.