Episode Report Card 1 USERS: B+ YOU GRADE IT Misfortune
By Chuck | Season 5 | Episode 5 | Aired on 02.02.2002
So do Katherine and Beecher. He's happy to see her, and says his daughter had a great time at Adventure Country with Katherine and her son, Brad. In case she's forgotten her son's name. Maybe Beecher's daughter and Katherine's son made out, too. He ruins the moment by asking about her meeting with Keller; she jumps out of his embrace and says they're building a solid defense. Then she gets all serious and asks Beecher if Keller ever talked about the murders. "You wouldn't lie to me in order to protect him, would you?" she wonders, when Beecher says no. Of course not. And it's no again. She softens and moves to leave, satisfied by his honesty. Beecher wonders if Keller sent a message for him, but she hardens quickly and says, "No." A relationship built on lies is meant to last.
Flashback to Robson threatening to hide his Vienna sausage in Adam's buns; Frankie the Fixer pins Robson to the wall, as, in the present, Schillinger accosts Beecher in the library for a top-to-bottom chat. Schillinger puts on his earnest disguise and tells Beecher that he tried to convince Robson not to rape Adam, but that Robson's "headstrong" (why are the Aryans consistently the wittiest inmates?), and that he's glad Frankie prevented it. "You're glad?" asks Beecher. Well, not exactly, but Schillinger's all turned around, and he's trying to rid his life of shit, even though this is Oz, where shit's about the only thing going. So, long story short, Schillinger offers to deliver a letter to the cloistered Keller on his next mail run. Beecher's "suspicious," but Schillinger swears, "on the graves of both of [his] sons," that he's just trying to do good, clear his conscience, and move on. Aw, shucks, Vernie's goin' all soft and mushy. As if. The camera closes in on Beecher's toady face and then cuts to Keller, shaving the neck that Beecher wishes he had. In more ways than one. Schillinger wheels the cart by and drops off Beecher's letter to skeptical Keller; he promises there's nothing fishy about the fact that an avowed homophobe and notorious rabble-rouser has suddenly decided to deliver mash notes for two male lovers that he's heretofore despised. He'll even take Keller note back tomorrow.
Lights out. In Beecher and Adam's pod, Papa Bear tells Baby Bear it's time for beddy-bye, but Baby Bear's feeling confrontational. After Beecher asks why Adam has been so quiet all evening, Adam inquires, "Were you a fag before you came to Oz, or did you start here?" He goes on to repeat all the salacious, old-news gossip he's unearthed. Schillinger. Keller. Beecher dodges the question with some philosophical "complexity" talk, but Adam's not buying: "You're either a fag, or you're not a fag." I'm afraid I have to side with Beecher here, Precious; sometimes things aren't quite that simple. Adam wishes he'd known sooner and scolds Beecher for acting "normal," when Adam knows that all Beecher wanted was to play with his dingle. Beecher tells Adam not to be an asshole, and Adam says, "Oh, you'd like that, huh, to be up my asshole?" Because deep down, Adam really, really doesn't want that. No, sir. And then comes the shoving; Adam throws a punch, Beecher pins him immediately, and the guards arrive to break up the love match.