Episode Report Card 1 USERS: B+ YOU GRADE IT Misfortune
By Chuck | Season 5 | Episode 5 | Aired on 02.02.2002
Slowmar leaves McManus's office and sweeps down the stairs to find the necklace brigade waiting for him. The Oz-wide Crap On Slowmar Festival continues as Arif and his back-up dancers explain that Slowmar is to blame for Said's time in the hole. Actually, says Slowmar, one beaten-shut eye-ronic helping him to see clearly, "That motherfucker's in there because he can't get a grip on his own goddamned guidance." Apparently forgetting that Muslims don't do the "blaming others" thing, Arif calls Slowmar "toxic" and tells him that he stands alone in Em City every day that Said is gone. As the three Muslims stride off to Knitcaps Anonymous, Slowmar sees unfriendly faces everywhere (some even stand up for effect), driving home the point that alone is not a good place to be with the subtlety of a jackhammer.
In solitary, Said continues the Ballet des Bananas, his face a featured soloist.
McManus rushes by the laundry room, engulfed in a jacket that could have belonged to Andre the Giant. Slowmar calls him in to say that perhaps he could stop by solitary to check on Said, because he, Slowmar, is "kind of floundering out here," which is the God's honest truth, since he keeps flopping around like a beached fish. He's feeling really lost with his master, er, Said, and realizes that "I really need that fuck. Who knew?" Lots of slavery proponents, that's who. The ones who said masters were doing slaves a favor by taking care of them since they couldn't take care of themselves. Remember them? Apparently not, since this tricky trope grows ever more offensive and irresponsible.
Eager to do his love's bidding, McManus rushes to Said's solitary cell, bringing an outfit with him. Said, taking a breather from choreographing, leans against the wall, which looks like the expensive granite currently favored for upscale kitchen counters, and protests his return to Em City. In a convenient coincidence, he isn't ready to leave -- and he doesn't deserve to! McManus reveals that Slowmar explained the whole dust-up, but Said's stuck on himself. "Once again," he says, "I lost my humanity for what I thought was the greater good." Get over yourself a little, why don't you? McManus disagrees, opining that Said's scared because his actions are all too human. Then Said goes full throttle on the histrionics, rendering whatever he says unintelligible, although I do decipher that he wants more time in the hole. "Man, this is crazy," says McManus. Little man, you speak big truth. Then McManus is all, "I'll wait to hear from you," like Said's going to call or email him or something, and says he wants Said "back in Em City, dancing with Omar White." I kid you not. He said dancing. Then McManus shuts the door, and everything goes middle-passage Amistad, with the whites of Said's eyes gleaming in the darkness as he moves into the light for a bit of yoga.