Episode Report Card 1 USERS: B+ YOU GRADE IT Misfortune
By Chuck | Season 5 | Episode 5 | Aired on 02.02.2002
Murphy and Brass at the time clock; Murphy says, "Fuckin' Friday," and Dave Brass doesn't get it, since Murphy should be excited about the impending weekend. Turns out Murphy gets depressed each Friday since that's when they get the small pittance disguised as a salary. "One Note" Brass starts talking about basketball -- this time it's the $160,000 take-home pay of even the worst NBA player, which triggers Brass's volatile temper, and he starts yelling at Murphy about cash, and Murphy's all, "Whoa, Nellie, count to ten," looking as though he'd prefer a root canal to this conversation. Next, Brass is off to see Gloria, who tells him that all the blood tests came back negative, although they should run them again in a few months just to be sure. After ascertaining that Martinez doesn't have AIDS, Brass, temper flaring once again, limps quickly over to Martinez's bed, asks why he "doused" him, and then starts beating him. Gloria yells at him to stop, and Brass says, "Oh, so it's okay for you to hit this cocksucker, but not me?" Oops -- busted, Dr. Left Hook.
Flashback to Rebadow asking Brass about the Mighty Ball ticket purchase; it's time for the drawing of the numbers! Busmalis asks Rebadow if he's excited, and then proceeds to recap the whole "grandson" storyline in my least favorite aspect of Oz (and that's saying a lot), when the writers insult the viewing audience by reminding us what's going on with clunky, forced expository dialogue. It's hard to care so much. Rebadow worries that God might have dicked him over on the numbers as he and Busmalis rush off to the television. In the staff lounge, Brass reads the paper as the drawing starts; as the numbers begin to match the ticket, a crosscutting extravaganza ensues and both men become more agitated. Well, jiminy crickets, all the numbers match! After an eloquent "motherfucker, you gotta be fuckin' kiddin' me," Brass goes apeshit, yelling and jumping around on his one good leg while the staff looks on, amazed and embarrassed. In his excitement, Brass appears to have swallowed his top lip. Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Rebadow stands quietly stunned, not yet realizing that he's about to be royally fucked by PuffyGimp.
The realization dawns quickly, however, and Rebadow makes a beeline to McManus to complain. McManus, wary for about four seconds, realizes that, as Brass bolted Oz and jumped on a plane without visiting his locker or -- and here's the clincher -- punching out, Rebadow just might be telling the truth. He picks up the phone and starts to get to the bottom of things.