Episode Report Card Erin: B+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT If it ain't broke, Spy Daddy will BLOW IT UP.
By Erin | Season 2 | Episode 4 | Aired on 10.19.2002
Subbasement Of Dreams And Desires. Agent Amorous is concerned that Uncle Bonkers might suspect Syd. Syd doesn't think that's possible. Flashback Of Fearsome Fondling. Ew! Uncle Bonkers is hugging Sydney! Step away! Bad! Bad Bonkers! Down boy! Syd tells Valiant Vaughn that Sloane was really relieved that Sydney made it back safely; which is why, I guess, he felt it necessary to squeeze her and hold her and EW! "I went home and took a shower and then came right here," finishes Syd. Vaughn's all, I'm sure Sloane was relieved and -- wait, you took a shower? Before you came over here? So you were naked RIGHT BEFORE YOU CAME OVER HERE? Did you take pictures? Or he just says, "Good." Then he tells her that Siberia was a rockin' success, and the CIA got the whole music box tune on tape. They're analyzing it as we speak. Or as they speak. Or whatever. Victorious Vaughn's all happy with himself that they got the intel and SD-6 didn't. "Neither did Sark," Syd reminds him.
Then there's this moment where Syd sort of looks down at her leather ensemble and contemplates whether or not leather ensembles are actually still in style. Vaughn asks her what's wrong. Syd brings up the fact that, once again, her evil bitch of a mother has pulled her Spy Barbie ass out of the fire. Vaughn's all, hey, you know, you can totally talk to me about her. Syd's all, yeah, right. She offed your daddy, dude. That can't be terribly easy for you. Vaughn's all, it's my job, baby. And I dig you the most, princess. Syd's all, she killed your father, honey-child. Vaughn's all, hello! I know that already! But thanks for the reminder! Syd's all, you don't have to pretend with me, lovey-kins. Vaughn's all, you don't have to hold back from me, Pooh bear. Syd's all, maybe not, but I just think it's unfair -- Vaughn's all, yeah, maybe, but I didn't join the CIA looking for "fair," okay? Unless by "fair" you mean "poontang." "After everything she's done to you," breathes Vaughn, "are those really things you could ever forgive?" "I don't know," she succinctly responds. Vaughn's all, yeah? Well, Spy Daddy's not NEARLY as vague as you are, sunshine. He's meeting with Kendall right this second and he's lobbying to have Spy Mommy transferred to a four-by-four padded cell twenty thousand leagues beneath the Bermuda Triangle, mmm-kay?
And we're off!
Syd stalks through the halls of the Operations Center, fury sparking off those excellent cheekbones. She comes upon Kommandant Kendall and Spy Daddy, arguing about Irina. "Did you even READ my report?" she spits at Spy Daddy. Spy Daddy's all, yeah, of course I did. Now go to your room and let the adults keep talking! Syd's all, okay, if you read it, then why in the HELL are you completely disregarding what I wrote? Kommandant Kendall congratulates Syd on a job well done in Siberia, and then wanders off in search of a role that doesn't require him to be a sanctimonious government prick. Spy Daddy's all, look. I agree with your report, okay? Irina's been cooperative and helped us out against SD-6, and even come to your rescue a couple of times and all that shit, but, like, she's STILL an evil bitch who can't be trusted. "Nothing that woman says or does can be taken at face value," he barks. "And she drinks! And she's a slut! And she's suing me for every last piece of cash I have! And that boyfriend of hers is a PIG! Does he stay over all the time? Does she love him? Is she going to marry him? You can tell me, sweetie. I won't be mad. Would you like another Big Wheel? You do? Well, Daddy will buy you another Big Wheel if you tell him what Mommy does with that scummy sack of shit she calls 'Chad.'"