Episode Report Card Erin: B+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT If it ain't broke, Spy Daddy will BLOW IT UP.
By Erin | Season 2 | Episode 4 | Aired on 10.19.2002
Vaughn saves his own Syd-hungry ass by winding up his little speech with, "Which only concerned me because that means he's not making it any easier for you. So, before you leave for Moscow, I just wanted to say that, you might feel alone in all this, like you don't have an ally...I'm your ally. Never question that." Syd's eyes well up with tears and she flings herself at him, raining kisses on his furrowed brow. "You're my ally too, Spy Boy! I love you, Spy Boy!"
Or some random CIA guy enters and informs Syd that her plane's here. Wait. Why is the CIA telling Syd that her plane's ready? Isn't it SD-6 that's sending Syd to Moscow? I mean, unless the CIA has access to SD-6 flight schedules and...oh, never mind. "I'll see you when I get back," says Syd to Vaughn, clearly meaning, "I'll see you naked and sporting a blindfold when I get back."
Moscow. Syd enters a building wearing a military suit with more medals on it than an ass-kissing Boy Scout. And that sharp-edged dark wig she's wearing? Well, let's just say that, right about now, Syd's making k.d. lang look almost feminine. Syd approaches the security desk and presents her credentials. She walks through security, and the alarms go off. She raises her arms for inspection, and the little wand goes haywire right over her chest. Damned underwire bras. Happens to me all the time. Of course, I'm not dressed like Eva Braun on an off day, when it happens, but, like, whatever melts your butter. The guards allow Syd to pass through the security gates.
She enters the elevator and removes one of her medals, throwing us into an Inspector Dingus flashback. One medal's a key that will give Syd access to the sixth floor. Once there, another medal will get her into the technical library. Once in the library, yet another medal will allow Syd access to the ASRS. For those of you out there who don't know what the ASRS is -- and I'm talking to you, Sydney -- it's the system that you have to access in order to retrieve books from the secret area below the building. Yeah, it doesn't really make sense, does it? What, you didn't think she could just show up at the library, present her card, and waltz on out of there, did you? Having a copy of War and Peace hidden in a secret basement inaccessible library is SO much more interesting.
We wind up Inspector Dingus's segment with him warning Syd not to pull the ASRS key out until after she's logged out of the system; if she pulls it out prior to logging out, she'll probably set off the alarm. Then Marshall tries to pin the medals on himself. He grimaces as he pricks his skin and then announces, "Actually felt kinda good." Yeah, Marshall's got a WHOLE lot of bondage porn at home. In the technical library, Syd finds her book, the machine selects it from the basement, and the book is dropped into the tray for Syd to retrieve. Click. Uh-oh. Looks like someone has a gun to Syd's head. Fortunately for us, it's Sweet Thang Sark, sporting a Russian uniform that is accompanied by a hat at least five times the size of his head.