Episode Report Card Keckler: C- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Portrait Of Dorian Blue
By Keckler | Season 2 | Episode 6 | Aired on 04.20.2000
Inside the portrait where no password needs to be given to a fat lady, Crichton collapses in a heap of groans. Dude, Maldis is the Master Blaster and they're on the flipside! Does...anyone else remember Saturday morning cartoons' Kidd Video? Whatever happened to Kidd? He was hot. D'Argo calls out to Crichton and our boy tears through one of the circular arches to get to him. But he's not there. Yeah, this is where it starts to get annoying fast. They can't get to each other because there's something about the archways leading to other places. D'Argo tried to get to Chiana, but he lost her. Crichton says he knows who built this picture maze and starts yelling for Maldis to show his ugly face. "Haven't you read the super-villain's handbook? This is where you're supposed to twirl your moustache and gloat," Crichton mutters. "I don't have a moustache, John!" Maldis announces, appearing behind him. Maldis is still trussed up in that black-on-black Hamlet costume. You'd think that if the guy has all this power, he wouldn't subject himself to those seriously itchy-looking neck ruffs. Crichton twits Maldis about looking pale and asks him what it's like being dispersed. Maldis says he's been concentrating on revenge and that's what sustained him all this time. "Well, here I am, dude, revenge away!" Crichton invites. There's a splash in the dimension next door. Maldis has changed corridors. Maldis taunts Crichton with the fact that Crichton's not even important enough to be considered a player in this little psycho-drama; he's saving all his revenge for Zhaan. Maldis took D'Argo, Chiana, and Crichton first because he wanted Zhaan to be tortured by the image of her friends dying.
Moya. Zhaan is bombarded with Maldis's echoing shouts, calling her name. She puts her hands to her ears and wails. Where is Pilot during all of this?
Maldis continues to be evil with Crichton, even dropping a "Favorite Things" reference. "Oh," Crichton bites out with an angry smile, "Could you do that 'Farewell, Goodbye' song the kids sing? It's one of my favorites." Hee. I had to play "So Long, Farewell" for a piano recital. Maldis screams that he doesn't do requests. He'd be no fun at a karaoke party. Actually, he'd be fun to tease. Just keep calling requests out when he's warming up and he'd probably throw down the mike in a fit of rage and stomp off, his ruff a-quiver with indignation. Of course, he'd probably also eviscerate all the guests. Maldis can read Crichton's mind, and he knows that Crichton thinks Zhaan will save them. I love this line: "Your mind is an open book to me, full of big print and lots of pictures." Crichton places two fingers on his temple and tells him, "Then read this: Kiss..." Maldis draws back in horror as he completes the sentence in Crichton's mind. Crichton's betting on Zhaan, not Maldis.