Episode Report Card Keckler: C- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Portrait Of Dorian Blue
By Keckler | Season 2 | Episode 6 | Aired on 04.20.2000
Meanwhile, Aeryn takes off to find Kyvan, and she's not five seconds in the air when she takes an intentional nosedive. This jogs Rygel loudly loose from his stowage behind her seat, and Aeryn demands to know what he's doing there. He's got as much of a score to settle with Kyvan as Aeryn does. Aeryn calls him on his intent to make a profit, and Rygel doesn't deny it, saying Kyvan owes them big. Aeryn can't believe his greed in the face of Chiana's death, but Rygel argues that Chiana would have wanted them to reap punitive damages. She was a lot like him, Rygel announces. "Ambition, large appetites -- she would have made an excellent Hynerian," Rygel says, giving the late Chiana his highest possible compliment. "I'm going to miss her." Aeryn flips some switches and grimly agrees, "One way or another Kyven will make restitution."
Back on Moya, D'Argo stares down another portrait. This time, the image of him is complete, with a spear now harpooning him through the chest. Zhaan is distraught by the power of the portrait, but D'Argo is resigned to his fate. He calmly tells Crichton that they've lost. Crichton refuses to accept the loss of another crewmember and friend. Zhaan gets a bit hysterical until Crichton verbally slaps her with a "ZHAAN!" He then quietly tells them to think, and asks what the hell is thing sticking out of D'Argo's chest in the portrait. D'Argo tells him it represents a qualta blade, and pulls his out with a subdued and non-Wayne's World-ian schwing. Crichton passes the blade to Zhaan and tells her to lock it far away from them. Crichton moves the portrait and announces they are going to put D'Argo in a big empty space, far away from any pointy objects. As D'Argo walks toward Crichton, telling him he's been a good friend, a HUGE pointy object pushes its way in from the left side of the screen. What the hell is that, and how is it that Crichton and D'Argo are completely oblivious to it? It's practically glowing with imminent stabbiness! "Whatever happens, it's been a pleasure to know you," D'Argo concludes. "D'Argo," Crichton says quietly, "SHUT UP!" He starts to go on about self-fulfilling prophecies when suddenly a panel the DRDs were working on blows up. D'Argo throws Crichton out of the way as Aeryn's prowler boots up. Ah, that stabby thing is something on her prowler. As Crichton screams, "NOOOOOO!" the stabby thing stabs D'Argo. D'Argo bellows once and then shatters into shards of glass and disappears.
Still bellowing, D'Argo spins in time and space and lands in a dark corridor. The floor is the same yellow triangle of corridor we saw in the portrait, so D'Argo has been sucked inside the portrait. Just like a creepy Night Gallery episode I once saw where a Nazi war criminal thought he was wishing himself into a nice painting but ended up hanging from a crucifix. Forever. D'Argo hears Chiana calling out for help and calls back. He walks through one of the archways into a dark area and finally sees her on the other side of a wavy barrier. She's upside down and much larger than he is. They clearly aren't in the same room, dimension, or whatever. D'Argo's bellow of frustration echoes mine. When Disney did this, Dick Van Dyke got to dance with penguins.