Episode Report Card Keckler: C- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Portrait Of Dorian Blue
By Keckler | Season 2 | Episode 6 | Aired on 04.20.2000
Pilot contacts Aeryn with a priority message from Zhaan stating that Aeryn needs to kill Kyvan and get out of there fast. Aeryn 10-4s and immediately shoots Kyvan, who shards into pieces. Not missing a beat, Aeryn grabs the spluttering Rygel and takes off. As the module flies clear, the entire spherical junk mall shatters. A single shard remains, and it digs through time and space to find Maldis's soft underbelly. Inside the portrait, Maldis screams and is flung to the ground.
Inside the module, Rygel demands if Aeryn knew that would happen. She didn't, but Crichton told her to follow Zhaan's orders without question. "Well, he didn't bother to tell me," Rygel grumps. "Of course not," Aeryn responds smoothly, giving him a quizzical "duh" look. "When have you ever followed instructions?" Rygel can't argue with that.
In the portrait, Maldis picks himself up off the floor and asks if that was all Zhaan's doing, adding, "Because I'm much stronger than you think!" Glaring from the floor, Zhaan announces, "So am I!" And she flings herself up in sort of a martial-arts spin and slams a leg into Maldis's chest. She then punches and kicks him to the ground and all the action looks like it's taking place underwater or in Jell-O, or something else that slows it all down. It's all wavy. Maldis gets up, but Zhaan just slams him though an archway. There's lots of shattering and the barriers between D'Argo, Crichton, Zhaan, and Chiana are broken.
The portrait shakes and shudders, and Zhaan tells them to hurry. D'Argo grabs Chiana's hand and yanks her down the corridor. Zhaan sobs at Crichton to leave her, but he refuses. Maldis's hungry hand reaches out through one of the archways, grasping for life that isn't his. Back on Moya, we see that same window to the portrait bridging Maldis' reality with our heroes'. D'Argo yanks Chiana through the Phantom Zone rip, and she lands on top of him. Bamp-chicka. Crichton drags Zhaan to her feet and throws her, resisting, over his shoulder. On Moya D'Argo realizes what's going on and tosses Chiana off him. He gets up to the portrait window and reaches through the waviness to pull Zhaan and Crichton to safety. Crichton barely has time to smile, "Home, sweet home," when Maldis's huge hand reaches through the portal and feels around as it tries to King Kong which ever of them he can grasp. Crichton grabs a DRD and holds it in front of him, yelling, "Fire one!" The DRD fires, but the hand keeps groping, and I now have The Cars in my head. Crichton runs back to the prowler as Zhaan fires the DRD at the hand again and again. "Fire two!" Crichton yells and fires the prowler guns. Maldis screams, his tongue Gene Simmonsing out. More DRD firing, and finally the hand is sucked backward through the portrait portal and the portal is sucked into shards of nothingness. Everyone pants. "That was your plan?" Crichton asks. "Yes," Zhaan says weakly. "Like it?" "Well, what's not to like?" he asks, exhausted.