Episode Report Card Keckler: C- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Here Comes The Bride, Siliconed, Green, And Snide
By Keckler | Season 1 | Episode 8 | Aired on 11.06.2001
The headliners arrive on the bridge to have a confab about the giant ice cube. "Ever seen anything like that in your astronomy books?" Quantum asks Trip. "Wow, that's one big snowbawl," Trip comments. "The diameter's eighty-two point six kilometers," T'Pol says. How does she find bras that size? Oh, the comet. "I always wanted to chase a comet," Quantum says, shifting restlessly about the bridge. "Maybe we should spend a few days following this one." T'Pol says that Vulcan studies of comets have found them to be "little more than rock and ice." Quantum shakes an amused finger in her direction and says that this comet is bigger than any other comet humans have seen, so it's definitely worth sticking around and almost getting killed over.
T'Pol goes to her quarters, clutches at the side of her neck, and powers up her email. She stares at the screen with no expression whatsoever, but the music implies that we are to assume she's acting in a suspicious manner.
In the mess, Trip zips open a glass door and sees a gelatinous piece of pecan pie. Twitching his nose appreciatively, he pulls it out and sticks a glass into a liquid replicator. "Milk. Cold," Trip commands as T'Pol walks into the mess. He gives her the old once-over and comments on her nocturnal habits. "I came for tea," she tells him. "Well, stay away from the Zariphean blend unless you want to stay up for three days," Trip advises. Maybe I should lay in a full supply of Zariphean tea for my Wednesday night vigils. T'Pol directs the Culinary Exposition Beam her way, saying that caffeine has no effect on Vulcans. "Green tea. Hot," T'Pol orders the replicator. Well, they almost got it right. But did you catch the funny? A Vulcan wanting green tea…you know, because their blood is green? How droll. Trip asks T'Pol to join him because he "could use the company," and if that's not reason enough for anyone, I don't know what is. T'Pol tells him she's very tired. "Tell me about it," Trip says. "I put out about a hundred fires in Engineering this afternoon" -- you realize, of course, that in his case, he could be speaking figuratively as well as literally? Because I wouldn't want you to miss a thing, what with this plot being so complicated -- "and missed dinner. And then somebody tole me Chef made a pee-con pie and sudn'ly m'life brahten'd. It's been my fav'rit since I was a keed." Okay, we GET it, Br'er Trip: yer From The South. Now please stuff a cork in all yer clodhoppin' clichés. Trip offers a bit of his pee-con pie to T'Pol, who declines it. "It's delicious," Trip says, encouragingly. "It's mostly sugar," T'Pol tells him. "Vulcans don't have a sweet tooth?" Trip asks. T'Pol just gives one of those weird head twitches she trots out when she forgets her next line. "Well, it may not be good for the body, but it shore is good for the soul," Trip says, packing his arteries and mine with Dubya-esque folksy-isms. One of these days, I expect him to say, "Suliban, dead or alive." T'Pol silently sips her tea and reads her electronic pad. "Must be a real page-turner," Trip comments. T'Pol puts down her pad and stares off into, uh, space. "Something wrong?" Trip asks. "I'm fine, Commander," T'Pol says sullenly. "Good night." I'm convinced that her lips inflate anytime she engages in suspicious Vulcan activity. It's her tell. "Sweet dreams," Trip calls after her.
"Eisillium?" Quantum asks T'Pol on the bridge as he, Trip, Mayweather, and Reed look at the tableviewer. T'Pol tells them it's a very rare mineral, and the comet they're following is chock-full of it. "I've never heard of eisillium," Quantum says, which surprises no one. T'Pol says that Vulcan chemists have been attempting to study the mineral, but haven't yet managed to bend their hands around large enough amounts. Quantum asks if they can get samples using the transporter. "Most of the eisillium deposits are at least twenty meters beneath the crust," T'Pol says. Trip informs us, "That's too deep to get a lock." Reed mentions their portable drilling rig as an option. "The comet's certainly big enough to land on," Mayweather says, hopefully. Quantum looks at T'Pol, who says, "I'd advise setting down near one of the two poles. If you're out of direct sunlight the surface ice will be more stable." "How long would you need?" Quantum asks Reed. "Shouldn't take more than three or four hours," Reed says, flushing with excitement. "You up for a little comet walk?" Quantum asks Mayweather and Reed, who exchange happy looks. "By all means," Reed says. That's right, get rid of the best character right away. Don't want to risk him gumming up the plans for another boring plotline. Quantum tells them to "get started."