Episode Report Card Keckler: C- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Here Comes The Bride, Siliconed, Green, And Snide
By Keckler | Season 1 | Episode 8 | Aired on 11.06.2001
"Where are all the craps tables?" Do you really want me to answer that? Because it involves "your butt" and "up."
Mayflower and Reed examine the crater they made. "Impressive," Mayflower comments. "Eh," Reed says, "I was hoping for a little more symmetry." Hee! I just love the way Reed deadpans his delivery. The two snow sculptors climb down the slippery walls to start taking mineral samples. Gee, I wonder if they're going to get stuck there.
Guess Who's Coming to Dinner on the Enterprise. Quantum attempts small talk, but doesn't get very far with Vanik. Trip comments that he'd love to get a look at the Vulcan ship nacelles, which can go warp six point five. Vanik eyes him and says he can't: "Our warp systems are classified." Uncomfortable silence. Quantum starts again, saying he was a guest aboard Cpt. Tok's Vulcan ship: "Do you know him?" "Not personally," Vanik says. Quantum babbles about going to some dark matter nebula with Cpt. Tok: "I helped set up the graviton telescope. Most fun I ever had on a spacewalk. Those Vulcan EV suits are something else," he turns to Trip, "Like you're flying around in your own little spaceship." Trip laughs. "You're easily amused," Vanik comments. Heh. Quantum and Trip's faces fall. Uncomfortable silence. Here's a topic: the fact that Quantum and Crew are the reason the Andorians now know the Vulcans have been spying on them. Discuss amongst yourselves. That oughta get the pus of conversation oozing. Quantum notices that Vanik's not eating: "Something wrong with your Pok Tar?" he asks. Isn't that a brand of curry paste? "No," Vanik says. Quantum looks at him with eyes like boiled oysters and tells him their chef can prepare something else for him if he's not satisfied with his food. Vanik tells him he's already eaten. Quantum stops chewing. "Hope you've saved room for dessert," Trip says hopefully. Vanik eyes him as he might a piece of melted Vulcan gum on his shoe. T'Pol watches Quantum as he struggles to drink his iced tea without losing his temper. "After dinner," he says tightly, "I thought you might like to take a look around. Enterprise may not be Suurok class, but she's quite a ship." That's the second time -- if they're going for "Surak," father of Vulcan logic, someone should inform the folks over at closed-captioning. "Perhaps another time," Vanik says. "Tea?" Quantum asks. Vanik tells him he only drinks water. "You know," Quantum says, his voice rising alarmingly, "for a people who claim to not be explorers, you sure do get around." Vanik hopes their proximity isn't inconvenient. "On the contrary," Quantum says, "it's nice to know no matter how big the universe [here he dramatically spreads his arms wide], there's always a Vulcan ship nearby." Quantum chews emotionally on a green spear of something.
Trip decides to step in: "So, Captain, tell us about yourself." "Excuse me?" Vanik says, not comprehending. T'Pol explains, "On Earth, it's customary to exchange personal information with someone you've just met." Oddly enough, that's exactly what my British friend said about Americans. "We have this peculiar habit of actually talking during meals," Quantum says. "I've noticed," Vanik says, "Well, what do you want to know?" Trip asks where he was born. Um, my wild guess would be…Vulcan? I mean, it's not like Trip would know about a specific area of the planet if Vanik named it. Trip also wants to know how long he's been a captain and if he has any hobbies. Vanik adopts a long-suffering tone and tells them, "I've served in the Vulcan Space Program for seventy-six years. Fifteen of those commanding the Ti'Mur." And he collects spores, molds, and fungus. And he likes his friends to call him Egon. T'Pol takes the drooping reins of conversation and says she thinks this is Captain Vanik's first visit on an Earth vessel. Quantum rolls his eyes and head and fidgets a bit before saying, "We'd be happy to answer any questions you might have." I've figured out why Scott Bakula looks years younger than when he appeared on Quantum Leap. Filters. It's so obvious. When the camera switches from T'Pol to Quantum, there's a definite difference in sharpness of picture. Bakula's got that same halo effect going on that they used on Angela Lansbury in Murder, She Wrote. It's unfortunate that he's that vain. Vanik says, "I have none. Humans never held much interest for me." I knew there was a reason I liked Vanik. The last vestiges of Quantum's strained smile vanish. Trip looks nervous. Quantum taps his hands on the table, which makes me nervous. "Well," Quantum says, smearing another smile on his face, "where did the time go?" He gets up from his seat, and Vanik watches him with detached interest. "Seems like you just got here. I'm sure you're eager to get back to your ship so I'll trouble you with just one last question: How long are you planning on spying on us?" Vanik raises an eyebrow and says, "If we were 'spying,' Captain, you would've never detected our presence. Your inexperience and your arrogance are your enemies, not us." Amen! Quantum looks stormy and opens the dining room door. "Please show Captain Vanik to the launch bay," he instructs the random crewmember waiting outside. Vanik stares at Quantum's departing back and gets up. He turns to T'Pol and says something severe in Vulcan (it's not translated) before leaving. "What'd he say?" Trip asks. T'Pol doesn't answer, but instead leaves the room. Trip looks around at the empty table and says, "Hmmm."