Episode Report Card Gustave: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT The gay sex episode
By Gustave | Season 1 | Episode 3 | Aired on 11.19.2001
At Palmer's headquarters, Mrs. Cosby clutches a cup of decaf and tells the Secret Service men who have taken over her hotel room that her husband has been getting death threats ever since he entered politics. "What is different about this one?" she asks. Secret Service Guy claims ignorance, but explains to her that his unit is only called in when there's a serious threat. Meanwhile, Theo Huxtable is jonesing to leave the hotel so he can hit an all-night coffee shop. The secret police refuse to allow him out of the building. ""We treat a threat on a candidate's life as a threat on [sic] his entire family," says Secret Service Guy. Mrs. Cosby takes Theo's car keys out of his hands. Theo seems really frustrated by this.
At 2:08:03, The Purple Van Of Teen Impertinence arrives at an airport. Evil Frat Boy is on the phone with Gaines, assuring him that he's got "the Bauer girl" and that everything is "copa." Gaines informs Evil Frat Boy that there's a delay and that everyone has to sit tight for a little while. Meanwhile, Poor Man's Mena Suvari is in a lot of pain from that whole crowbar-to-the-arm thing. Rick is concerned, but Evil Frat Boy doesn't want to a) take her to the hospital or b) share their "stash" with PMMS. At first it seems like he's talking about medical marijuana, since they're smoking pot while waiting for Gaines, but when Spawn taunts Rick about his subservient position to Evil Frat Boy #2, he gives in and prepares to shoot PMMS up with heroin. "Don't press me, man," says Rick to EFB2 when he tries to stop him. "I never should have used you," says EFB2. Meanwhile, Spawn is astounded that Rick is giving PMMS heroin. "Do you want me to do something about the pain or not?" says Rick, injecting the smack into PMMS's swollen arm while making sexy eyes at Spawn. You see, I don't know if you're picking up on the symbolism here, but a needle going into an arm can be a metaphor for intercourse. Just saying. It's 2:10:14 AM.
At 2:14:53 AM, Kiefer is driving the Kiefmobile, Spawn is holding her roofie-/smack-laden sidekick, and Palmer is driving somewhere. Judging by the flickering neon lights, Palmer is driving around in a seedy neighborhood, where he enters a parking garage and parks his SUV. Now, as I've explained before, parking garages are always where bad things happen, and this garage is no exception. You see, a couple of teenagers are wilding inside -- bashing cars with baseball bats. One is black and one is white. Ah yes, integrated wilding gangs. How progressive. Palmer parks the car and emerges from his SUV. The black member of the Rainbow Coalition wilding crew, who has cornrows just like Leroy from Fame, tries to get money out of Palmer in exchange for leaving his car alone. This leads to a philosophical discussion about personal responsibility and citizenship, and I'd go into it more but I was too busy humming "Ebony and Ivory" to myself. I take it that the purpose of this scene was to either a) establish Palmer as a straight-talking bad-ass who can talk to the kids of today; b) establish Palmer as a man with a violent past; or c) introduce Black Wilding Boy as a new character. The boys skedaddle, nevertheless, but not without shattering Palmer's rear windshield and shouting "woo hoo" a lot.