Episode Report Card Gustave: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT The gay sex episode
By Gustave | Season 1 | Episode 3 | Aired on 11.19.2001
At 2:27:42, Mandy is trying to convince MotorcycleChick to give up the ID card. MotorcycleChick, whose name turns out to be Brigit, says she only wants to make things better for her and Mandy, and that another million dollars can't mean that much to "these people." Mandy thinks she's going to get them both killed and that money is the "only thing that matters to these people." Oh, and guess what? They're lesbian lovers. So yeah, one of them will get killed if Vito Russo, the late author of The Celluloid Closet and creator of the "dead homo in film" theory, is to be believed. So after a make-out session, which surprisingly made it past the same network censors who make Willow and Tara braid each other's hair and bake bread together to show their love ["well, not exactly the same network censors -- it's Fox, home of World's Wildest Police Chases, after all" -- Sars], Mandy agrees to support MotorcycleChick's decision to milk the mystery terrorist venture capitalists for an extra million, and gets up to go tell Ira. MotorcycleChick utters a line that will insure her a speedy death: "You're always looking out for me." Mandy nods solemnly and exits, bursting into tears.
Back at The Purple Van Of Teen Impertinence, Evil Frat Boy #2 and Rick stand outside, arguing over Rick's decision to "allow" PMMS to have some heroin. Inside the van, Spawn wraps a delirious PMMS in a cardigan and mobilizes her to make a break for it. PMMS is completely out of it and doesn't remember her arm being broken just minutes ago. "We could die if we don't get out of here," says Spawn. These words apparently have the power to cut through the roofies and the heroin and make PMMS more lucid than I am after two cups of coffee and an hour of yoga. They run…like girls. The guys see them and run after them. A small plane almost collides with the girls, but they keep going.
Back at CTU, Jalapeno Spice enters Kiefer's office and asks if she should cut off Nina's confidential access, since she seems to be the mole. Kiefer is sure there might be another explanation for Nina's connection to the key card, and argues that the most important thing at this point is to get the information off of it. Jalapeno Spice -- who, in addition to spitting out her chewing gum and changing her hair, her makeup, her office furniture, and her outfit -- has also turned into this smooth-talking diplomat who politely reminds Kiefer that he used to sleep with Nina and shouldn't let that get in the way of CIA procedure. Of course the old Jalapeno Spice from the first episode would say something like, "Kiefah, you gotta stop thinking wit yo dick and slap that bitch upside the head, ah-ight?" but the new improved Jalapeno Spice is all, "Aren't we obligated to seal off her channels with this much evidence?" Kiefer admits to seeing Nina while he and BOK were separated, but claims not to have told her anything important. When pressed by JS, he seems to remember something and changes his mind, authorizing her to shut Nina down. JS assures Kiefer that she can do it in such a way that Nina won't notice. Oh, and by the way, Jalapeno Spice has a really cute body. Like, even I noticed.