Episode Report Card Gustave: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT The gay sex episode
By Gustave | Season 1 | Episode 3 | Aired on 11.19.2001
At 02:32:31, the girls have escaped and are seeking refuge on the set of Buffy. You know those dark glistening back alleys that Buffy is always patrolling? That's where Spawn and PMMS are. They run some more. The boys chase them some more. The girls hide behind a dumpster and end up interrupting a dumpster blowjob between a yuppie and a hustler, who bring the episode's gay-sex-act count up to two. The yuppie flees and the hustler is all, "You just cost me fifty bucks! You are going to pay for this!" Okay, who is training these street hustlers in L.A.? Every street hustler with any experience whatsoever knows to collect the money before you service your client. Where is the professionalism among today's sex workers? I blame the pimps. It's their responsibility to train their employees adequately. How is our country supposed to win the war on terrorism with this kind of laissez faire attitude towards pay-for-play sex? It is precisely this lack of respect for customer service that is morally weakening our nation and making us vulnerable to terrorist attacks in the first place! I would also like to add in all seriousness that having known a couple of $200 gay escorts myself -- who I wouldn't even sleep with for free -- this hustler could charge way more than $50 for a blowjob. But who knows, maybe he gives really really bad head. Like, he could be one of those people who still thinks that you are literally supposed to blow on it. Anyway, when the evil frat boys run past, Po Ho covers for them and does the proverbial "they went that-a-way!" Evil Frat Boy #2's phone rings. It's Gaines, telling them they're meeting at a new location. Po Ho goes back to the girls and is all, "You need to pay up!" While they stand there helplessly, he rummages through their purses and takes their cash and jewelry. They run around the Buffy set some more. The time is 2:34:48 AM.
At 2:39:00 AM, BOK is checking the price on a nasty-looking couch at Bad Teen Convertibles, Kiefer is sitting at his desk having a dilemma, and the girls are still running around in the alleyways behind the Magick Shop. Palmer is sitting in his SUV, pounding his fist against the steering wheel. ("Hey Dennis? When we do this scene, could you do something to indicate that you've been waiting a long time?" "What if I pounded my fist against the steering wheel?" "Excellent, let's roll!") Finally, a short middle-aged man in a suit who looks like a Sicilian version of Udo Kier enters and approaches the car. "What couldn't wait until morning?" he says. Palmer tells him about the call he got from reporter Maureen Kingsley. Apparently his daughter Nicole was raped last year, and the guy who did it "fell" out of a window in an apparent suicide. The reporter has evidence that indicates that the death wasn't a suicide, but rather that it was Theo himself who threw him out the window. Sicilian Udo Kier, whose real name is Carl, suggests a couple of ways to "handle" it. Palmer doesn't want to "handle" it in some dirty political way, because the allegations are wrong to begin with and he shouldn't have to lower himself to that level. Carl the Heavy points out that there's no other way to handle the situation; the primary is that day and they have to act fast. "I'm on it," says Carl the Heavy, exiting just as the Secret Service detail arrives to collect Palmer. How did they know where he was? LoJack?