Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT A Dream Is A Fitz Your Heart Makes
By Jacob Clifton | Season 2 | Episode 16 | Aired on 01.16.2012
Holden: "Hey, guys! Aria, I sure am happy to see you."
Spencer: "Hey, Holden! We have an easygoing chemistry that makes it seem like we're also best friends from preschool, when in fact it's just that I have chemistry with everyone because I am marvelous."
Holden: "I am feeling that. Hey Aria, would you like to go on a date?"
Aria: "It was just an alibi, but now it is becoming real!"
Spencer: "You're cute and tiny and boys like you! Holden is your boyfriend! You have magic wishing powers! Quick, wish we don't die."
THE DEPTHS
Mona: "So like you know how I was dating Noel Kahn and then I wasn't and then I was and then we went skinny-dipping the night you were nearly murdered and ended up killing your best friend and now he is lurking around the tri-state area?"
Hanna: "Uh huh."
Mona: "Well, now Noel Kahn is breaking up with me again. Are you listening?"
Hanna: "To be honest..."
Mona: "Do not tell me you're worried about Lucas. So he tried to kill you in a boat, so what? So you clocked him with an oar and left him to do, so what? So he somehow survived and is now lurking about and will soon murder you in retaliation, so what?"
Hanna: "Each and every one of those things is not a So What."
Mona: "Did you hear me say Noel Kahn? Get some perspective."
Honestly. Meanwhile, I guess I should point out that they are both dressed like the hos in that Pat Benatar video, that chase the man so he'll stop being patriarchal.
Hanna: "Where's that dude going with my giant Homecoming Queen portrait?"
Mona: "Motherfucker, you best put that picture back."
Dude: "Realistically, you were doing community service on the side of the road not too long ago. Like Emily before you with the swimming team, token consequences must be demonstrated."
Mona: "That doesn't mean she's giving up the fucking crown, Bozo! Anyway, can I tell you more things about Noel Kahn?"
Hanna: "Um, uh huh."
Mona: "Are you even listening to me talk about Noel Kahn?"
Hanna: "Girl, I am in shock. I may have parasites from drinking lake water that I thought was vodka."
Mona: "You are so selfish! Call me when you're not recovering from a fight for your life out on a foggy lake, you crank!"
Hanna goes into the bathroom to cry, spends an inordinate amount of time getting creeped out in the stall by a mysterious bathroom lurker, and comes out to find the sink is overflowing onto the floor, with a tiny little rowboat floating around in it. Man, when A comes after Hanna it's always with such freakin' majesty.