Episode Report Card Erin: B- | 116 USERS: B- YOU GRADE IT Thank you for flying Exposition Airlines
By Erin | Season 3 | Episode 11 | Aired on 2004.01.11
And now is the time on Alias when we dance.
Back on Regurgitation Airlines, the Exposition Fairy enters the cabin from the cockpit, her captain's hat askew, and parks it in the corner with a copy of Variety and a bowl of macadamia nuts. "Y'all?" she says, picking a nut out of her left molar. "You think maybe you could get on with this whole Lost Years thing? I got an appointment for a Brazilian wax in about twelve hours and, at the rate you two are molasses-ing your way through this goddamn storyline, I'm afraid I won't make it. So let's pick up the pace, dammit! Mr. Exposition Fairy likes his honey smooth, ya know what I'm sayin'?"
Kendall tells Syd to put her hand on a scanner and then reads a statement that pretty much just makes her swear not to tell anyone, ever, about what she's about to hear. Not even if they tickle her and make her pee her pants. Not even then. "Before we get started," says Kendall, "I'm curious about how you found the cube. What led you to it?" Syd's all, are you joking with this shit? "Start at the beginning and do it now," she snaps. "I'm all out of patience." Hee. Syd's kicking Kendall's ass. Nice. Also? Since when did Kendall ALLOW his ass to be kicked, huh? What, he goes from being the biggest bureaucratic badass to this mincy smiling nice guy? I am so confused.
Well, looks like I'd better get used to being confused, because look out -- Kendall's starting his tale. He tells her that she died. As far as the CIA was concerned, she was a goner. The DNA of the body in the burned-out apartment matched Syd's, so everyone just assumed she was a goner. Kendall even went to Syd's memorial service. Aw. Did he send flowers? A nice big wreath with "Sorry to see ya go, kiddo!" scrawled across it in gold letters? Class-ay. "Nine months went by," continues Kendall. "One day, I got a phone call. It was your voice. You were calling from Rome. You said you had just escaped from the Covenant. You wanted to come in." We get a shot of Syd in a very realistic blonde wig, talking into a public phone and gesturing with her hands. She and Kendall meet up at a safe house in Tuscany. Speaking of Tuscany, I wish I were there RIGHT NOW.
At the safe house, Syd's going a wee bit mental, pacing around, asking if her dad or Vaughn knows she's alive. She's all twiggy and shit, and finally Kendall demands that she just cut the crap and tell him what happened to her. Back on the plane, Kendall explains that Syd's disguise was unfamiliar to him (duh) and that he had a lot of questions back then, seeing as the U.S. government knew next to nothing about the Covenant at the time. Yeah, whatever. Get back with the whole Lost Years explanation. "I second that emotion!" shouts the Exposition Fairy, spraying nut crumbs all over her crumpled tutu.