Episode Report Card Chuck: C- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT The Naked and the Dead
By Chuck | Season 5 | Episode 1 | Aired on 01.05.2002
More Hill: lots of noble, worthy individuals, he says, have somehow ended up on the wrong side of the prison bars over the years. Such as Thomas Paine (cue Revolutionary-era recorder music and cut to Hill standing in an oh-so-smart frock coat) for treason; without old Tom and his incendiary writings, America might never have been free. Or statesman, scholar, and saint Thomas More (who, apparently, fancied acres of crushed velvet and silly hats) who got beheaded for honesty. Point, please. That upstanding individuals who dress poorly may get incarcerated? One can only hope.
Oh, no, the point seems to be Cloutier -- flashback to the wall-in and Cloutier screaming for help. Back at the present, some redhead whose name escapes me has taken over Cloutier's pulpit, and sermonizes about how it's okely-dokely to punish the guilty; while there are times that a man will be blamed for his actions, he can do whatever he pleases when smiting those who deserve to be smited. This is, understandably, going over well with the prison crowd. Red starts praying -- with far too much plot-advancing detail -- for Reverend Cloutier, who made it through the blast and out of the wall, and who will be returning to Oz after a stint in a nearby burn unit. Jaz Hoyt also gets a shout-out, as he took full responsibility for pulling a John Wayne Gacy on Cloutier…well, this is a revealing little vignette. Ick -- perhaps too revealing -- Hoyt evidently spends his time in solitary confinement searching for something embedded far up his nose. And then flicking it off his finger.
McManus charges into the infirmary and asks Dr. Nathan if Cloutier is back. Affirmative, Timbo. McManus needs to talk to the good reverend because he's got Hoyt in solitary for the walling, but Hoyt's no snitch, and McManus wants to know who else was involved. Dr. Nathan reveals that Cloutier can't speak yet; all McManus needs is a nod, so he heads off to get to the bottom of things. Dr. Nathan advises caution, explaining that Cloutier's survival is a miracle. McManus scoffs, but Dr. Nathan says she's just trying to prepare him for what he is about to face.
"Face." Huh. Cloutier doesn't really have one -- gone is the hair, the beard, and a significant portion of flesh. McManus walks in and stops short when he sees what Luke Perry, beloved 90210 sexpot, has become. 'Cause it ain't pretty. Basically, Cloutier has melted into a lump of shiny, bubbly, scorched meat with small dollops of what looks like large caviar on his face and chest -- the make-up team has really outdone themselves. Cloutier makes some wet groaning noises as McManus watches, rapt and completely horrified. Take note, casting directors everywhere: Luke Perry is a serious actor who will compromise his pin-up looks for a good role.