Episode Report Card Chuck: C- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT The Naked and the Dead
By Chuck | Season 5 | Episode 1 | Aired on 01.05.2002
Guerra's upset since Alvarez killed Ricardo and Vasquez, and he's come to extract payback. Alvarez starts talking about bodily fluids -- spit, sweat, blood, tears, piss (all the fun stuff) -- oh, and thanks for the pubic hair -- until Guerra tells him he's "fuckin' nuts." Alvarez concurs, and then punches Guerra in the face; as Guerra's cohorts move in for some serious damage, Murphy enters with a posse of guards and breaks up the fun. Guerra claims they're taking showers, and Murphy rips off Alvarez's towel (full dickage this time -- and nice six-pack, by the way); a shiv appears, Guerra gets sent to the cage, the other two goons get sent to their cells, and Alvarez gets escorted out while yelling about the water content of the human body.
Gym time. Alvarez skips rope, and Morales informs him that he's "one lucky fuck." Morales offers to get Guerra off Alvarez's back, but Alvarez says he's not gonna kill anyone anymore, nor is he gonna sniff a butthole, and calls Morales "chica," which should be an express path to hole-smelling, but Morales just tells him that he'll never survive alone due to mini-cojones. Alvarez here disagrees, explaining that he cut his own face, stabbed Rivera in the eyeball, and slit Vasquez's throat, so he has what it takes to deal quite well, thank you very much. Heading fully around the bend, or at least far beyond the point of caring about his future, he starts yelling at Morales, then hits a basketball out of Giles's hands and forces him to his knees while calling him a cocksucker, to the joy of the gathering crowd. Giles headbutts Alvarez's nether region and punches him in the head, and Alvarez goes down.
This outburst provokes a lecture from a concerned McManus (whatever); he worries that Alvarez will be sent back to solitary, but Alvarez maintains that Leo will never let him walk around anyway, and plus, he's doomed, so it doesn't matter, and then he compares himself to quicksilver and does a seriously grating bit of scenery-chewing to remind everyone that, yes, he's a little bit loopy, and definitely unstable.
White calls somebody "girl" -- oh, wait, that's just how he says "Guerra" -- and starts teasing "Girl" for being in the cage -- offers him a banana, tells him he looks like a gorilla. Loving the intricate wordplay here. McManus shows up and White looks relieved to see him; White describes McManus's heart as bigger than…well, just really big, since he got White out of solitary and all, and starts to apologize for all the crap he gets strangely sucked into, against his rage-driven, hair-trigger will. McManus, justifiably pissed off at White for beating and stabbing him, starts to walk away, but White perseveres, promising to be a good boy. McManus appreciates the effort, but really wants to know what provoked White to kick him in the head. Turns out that White was upset because McManus hadn't mentioned his appearance on Up Your Ante in advance; White felt that, after sharing thoughts and feelings with each other, McManus should have told him instead of letting him find out along with the other prisoners. What. The. Fuck. Ever. So White, his weird schoolgirl crush on his jailer moving into truly psycho territory, thinks McManus owes him an apology. Work detail thankfully stops this debacle from progressing further; White leaves McManus looking thoroughly over it all.