Episode Report Card Chuck: C- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT The Naked and the Dead
By Chuck | Season 5 | Episode 1 | Aired on 01.05.2002
Ryan brings MM some cake; MM wonders why he deserves such treatment, since Ryan hasn't, and I quote, "farted in [his] direction" over the last three years. Just couldn't resist that sexy mug any longer, Martin. Actually, Ryan wants to take advantage of their non-friendship to strike a business deal; he'd like MM to tell the warden that he saw Henry Stanton murder Keenan.
MM takes the bait and heads straight for Leo's office, where he tells his story -- complete with all of the shamrockian details -- as Leo looks grimly attentive and his over-eager assistant scribbles notes. Leo thanks him for his confession, and MM claims his conscience drove him to come forward as he leaves the office. Strange, muses Leo; usually we can't get anyone to talk, and now we have two witnesses fingering two perps for the same crime. Yes, agrees his assistant, and MM has so many more specific details than Arif. Why, it's almost like the person who committed the crime and was just re-questioned and is feeling a bit more pressure has fed information to someone else to try to take the heat off himself. It's so crazy it just might work! Especially since Leo has to be one of the most gullible wardens in history, which he proves by going full throttle after Stanton, who of course denies -- very plausibly if you ask me -- that he was involved. Except for the fact that he claims moral victory in a few scuffles where Keenan kicked his ass and seems like he's doing a bad Joe Pesci imitation (can there be any other kind when the source is so egregiously heinous?). Leo pulls out the Gloria Nathan article, and accuses Henry of being obsessed with el doctor. Nah, says Stanton, although she does have "nice tits and all," a sentiment that enflames Leo's sense of chivalry and inspires him to send Stanton to the hole, which is great, since we get to see him naked, which I've been fantasizing about ever since Henry arrived on the scene.
Arif flags Leo in the hall and asks when O'Reily will be charged; Leo, right where Ryan wants him, asks why Arif is so hell-bent on taking Ryan down. When Arif falls back on the old justice argument, Leo wonders if it might be a form of payback for a previous slight, and reminds Arif that he and Ryan almost came to blows during the riot (which, as Arif points out incredulously, was almost five years prior. Cons have long memories, says Leo). Anyway, he's not even sure he gives a crap about who did what or why. So there, Mr. Justice.
Dot-com guy lumbers over to tell Ryan (engrossed in a porn magazine) that the investigation into Keenan's murder has been suspended -- too many suspects, not enough clues. Dot-com thinks Ryan could press the issue and get Stanton convicted, but Ryan doesn't want that, since Dr. Nathan will feel compelled to tell the truth rather than let an innocent man fry, but if he can keep things in play, he'll divert suspicion from himself and leave everyone guessing. Our plucky criminal mastermind then instructs Dot-com to place the shamrock pendant in MM's cell -- as "life insurance." Cyril then wonders if they should tell Henry about how they fooled the warden, to which Ryan responds with a stream of invective that causes Cyril to ask him why he always yells "like Papa." Ugh.