Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: A+ | 54 USERS: A YOU GRADE IT Call Me Mr. Feet
By Jacob Clifton | Season 5 | Episode 9 | Aired on 11.24.2013
Several pictures begin to appear on the Scabbit thread, popping up as they watch. They're all fucking insane and beautifully recreated, with MSPaint arrows pointing to random areas and making random claims; one of the photos of "Zayeed" shows him fleeing on Rollerblades, and another set shows an "accomplice" with a "walkie-talkie" lump in his back pocket that could really be anything. It goes down, down, down into the rabbit hole.
Cary suggests suing Scabbit for an injunction to take down the thread, which will at least cut off the FBI's source of insane information. If you have ever been to the internet you know what happens next -- and explains the title of this episode -- but it's Sweet F/A, they've been too busy having lawyer probs and being Muggles to know how these people operate. They're still thinking of a thread as a pipeline, rather than just a weed in an infinitely large yard. They don't know how information wants to be free, or how the internet is just people saying whatever they want to say. They, like plenty of Congressmen before them, imagine an infrastructure and authority that don't exist, and never really will.
GARDNER
LG: "Will, you bypassed the entire process and hired this dude?"
Will: "It would have been a vote pro forma. You wanted somebody, I found somebody."
David Lee: "Since when does your 'sense of the room' supersede a majority vote? It would not have been hard to get us to decide."
Will: "First of all, yes it would have. Second of all, you wouldn't have let me have him, and then neither I nor Kalinda would have something new to play with, and Diane and I wouldn't have anything to be suspicious about with each other, and Kalinda and Diane wouldn't have anything to talk about."
David Lee: "But I hate the Mob!"
Will: "He's not the Mob!"
Diane: "Will, come on. He kind of is the Mob. You guys, he's bullshitting you. Headhunter Beth told us literally the opposite of what he's saying."
LG: "Bullshitter!"
Will: "I made a call on the ground. If you wanna sanction me, do it."
Meanwhile, Damian Boyle is sitting right outside, hitting on the ginger (of course) receptionist and being generally charming. When Will storms out he issues a barking command -- "Damian, you're on the client-retention working group" -- before letting Diane drag him into his office.
Diane: "Girl, you need to slow your roll."
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