Episode Report Card Demian: C+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT This is the way the season ends
By Demian | Season 4 | Episode 22 | Aired on 05.15.2002
Attic. The ladies have summoned The Angel Of Massive Man-Teats to inform him of their decision. Piper and Phoebe slump on a couch; Raige sits off on her own, staring out the window. Just before Man-Teats begins to chant his little spell to reorder their world, Piper stops him, demanding confirmation that there's nothing about the arrangement that could possibly swing around and bite them on their collective ass at a later date. "No 'read the fine print' technicalities? No more demons? No more vengeful warlocks?" Phoebe adds, "And we won't have to worry about Agent Jackman?" Man-Teats insists that all supernatural elements will vanish from their lives. "Will we remember?" Raige bleats forlornly from her window seat. Aw. Sniff. Piper and Phoebe glance over at her, stricken. Well, Piper's stricken. Phoebe's pretty vacant, if you ask me. The Angel assures her that they'll remember everything. Nothing about their individual or shared pasts will change, only their future. The Book of Shadows, meanwhile, "will pass to some future descendent." Phoebe then asks about Cole. To this inquiry, Man-Teats has no answer. "[Cole] exists beyond time and space," he explains. "Outside Destiny's reach." And pop goes the continuity error. If Cole exists beyond time and space, how the hell did Phoebe use that spell to travel to the freaking Waste Land? Riddle me that, fat man. I don't know why I bother when it's so painfully clear the writers don't care. Anyway, Phoebe clutches her head at this as if she's been granted an instant migraine. She can't accept the Angel's offer without first closing the book on her whole Cole experience. Right about here is where I'd kick Phoebe in her fucking teeth if I were Raige. As it is, Raige merely rolls her eyes while Piper clenches. Man-Teats looks like he's irritated to be running late for Blossom Dearie Night at the piano bar.
The Waste Land. Phoebe's essence flares in and skips up the rocks to Cole's plateau. "Did you see me come to you?" he asks, with the barely-suppressed, giddy excitement of a six-year-old who's just made it all the way down the driveway without training wheels. "Uh, yeah," she replies, her rhythm thrown. "How did you do that?" "It's a secret!" he giggles. Heh. He's totally insane now, isn't he? The scattered, lonely neurons that Phoebe's calling a brain allow one halfď·“formed thought to pass; then she announces, "I'm giving up my powers. We all are." "What?" he stammers. Phoebe blathers endlessly about their failed relationship, and urges him to move on. He's crushed, and tells her to leave before Jenny stops by for another high protein snack. She gazes at him for a long moment, then turns to flare out. Cole lurches up to a higher promontory overlooking the hastily-painted backdrop as "lightning" flashes in the "sky." Down in the dirt, Jenny lies eviscerated amongst the moldering bones. Cole smiles.