Episode Report Card Demian: C+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT This is the way the season ends
By Demian | Season 4 | Episode 22 | Aired on 05.15.2002
Back from the break, the Glamorous Ladies retreat as a unit through the sun porch, with Piper attempting and failing to freeze the Angel Of Massive Man-Teats. "You're wasting your time," he tells them, as Phoebe hoots and yodels and trips backwards over a wicker ottoman. "Besides," he continues, "I pose no threat to you." Piper frostily begs to differ, spitting that "the last being [they] met who could freeze time was a demon." The Angel Of Massive Man-Teats notes that it's because of a demon that he's been sent to pay the Ps a visit. "In and of itself, it's very rare," he elaborates. "We Angels Of Destiny normally don't intervene, except in extraordinary situations." And what constitutes an "extraordinary situation," you ask? Let's listen in, shall we? "Mozart at age seven," Man-Teats offers. "Michelangelo. Albert Einstein. Britney Spears." Ah, you see? Comedy! In that bizarre alterna-universe where George Bush is smarter than his wife, the return of early-'80s fashion is a good idea, John Ashcroft places the defense of the Constitution above his religious agenda, George Lucas still knows how to write and direct snappy movies that connect with the Zeitgeist, Yasir Arafat is honest, Halle Berry gives coherent acceptance speeches, all Catholic priests are chaste, Judd Apatow has a string of hit series on network television, Arthur Andersen follows accepted accounting procedures, the American intelligence community is worthy of the name, bacon double-cheeseburgers with sides of deep-fried onion rings cure emphysema, Republican fundraisers don't piss all over September 11th to make a fast buck, Vanilla Coke has a chance in hell of succeeding as an extension of the product line, I'm straight, and Britney Spears jokes are funny. But comedy nevertheless!
Pardon me for a moment while I scrape my spattered brains off the ceiling. Just let me shove them back into my shattered skull and wind some duct tape around my head, and then we can continue with the recap, okay?
Now, where were we? Oh, yes. Man-Teats explains that, "by vanquishing The Source Of All Evil," the Glamorous Ladies "have fulfilled [their] shared destiny." As a result, they are being offered a "reward." The gals can carry on as they have in the past with their "witchly powers" intact, or they can relinquish those powers and "lead normal lives again." No more demons knocking on the front door, no more scrabbling together potions and vanquishes, nada. Piper howls that Man-Teats can't possibly expect them to reach an immediate decision. Raige snorts that they'd reject the offer, anyway. Phoebe too-quickly agrees with her, then mumbles a bit before suggesting that they chat about the offer amongst themselves. Raige gets screamy as Man-Teats crosses to the window to allow them a bit of privacy. Raige shrills that Piper and Phoebe couldn't possibly be considering the offer seriously. Phoebe and Piper counter that, after everything that's happened in the last four years, they might actually welcome the change. Phoebe makes mention of the Phoetus, and Piper reminds Raige that all that demon fighting has left her sterile. Man-Teats, who would have been eavesdropping had the gals not been shouting at each other, suggests that the Ps take a little time to think it over. As their connected destiny as the Charmed Ones is the issue at hand, he tells them, "majority will rule. Two sisters will decide the fate of all three." Turning to leave, he urges them to choose wisely. He catches sight of Piper's bag on a nearby table and pauses to add, "Perhaps what happens next will help you to decide." Man-Teats flares up into a gold blob that streaks out the front window, ruffling plants and newspapers as it passes through the parlor.