Episode Report Card Demian: C+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT This is the way the season ends
By Demian | Season 4 | Episode 22 | Aired on 05.15.2002
Up in the attic, Phoebe exposits that Bruce couldn't have bugged the Manor that morning, which means he must be listening in from outside. Ergo, the boom box she has just activated in the attic window. Phoebe crosses to the Book of Shadows as Piper remarks on how it's "ironic" that they've been presented with an opportunity to relinquish powers they can't currently use. Phoebe notes that if Cole continues his attempts to contact her, they'll be exposed as witches regardless of whatever they choose as their destiny. Raige protests that Phoebe can't contact her "dead demon husband." Phoebe counters that she has no choice. If she doesn't reach out to Cole, she warns, "it's gonna be the same thing as last year. And we don't want that, now do we?" Holly Marie and Rose twitch nervously and glance at each other, fearing that the same heavy hand that crushed Shannen will fall upon them as well if they continue to argue with Alyssa. Phoebe flips the Book open to a spell entitled "To Find A Lost Love," which reads as follows:
Whither my Love
Wherever you be
Through time and space
Take my Heart nearer to Thee.
My, that's an awkward little piece of verse. Make note of the wording, though, as it figures in an egregious continuity error later. Phoebe intends to recite it on her own, in hopes that it will transport her to whatever astral plane Cole calls home at the moment. Once there, she intends to convince him to go into the light, or something. She believes the only reason he has yet to do so on his own is their mutual need for "closure." Piper and Raige, clearly believing this is Phoebe's eighty-fourth stupid idea in the last twenty-two episodes, silently roll their eyes but prudently agree to the plan. Mortgages, after all, are a bitch to pay off if you've been fired from your job. They will work on a "distraction" down in the street on the off chance that Phoebe's spell "creates any fireworks." Raige and Piper trail out of the attic as Phoebe sighs and stares intently at the spell.
Downstairs, Piper spies the suspicious telecom van out the window as Raige enters from the kitchen with a bulbous pitcher of lemonade. Raige tries to suggest they spike the lemonade, but Piper quickly shuts her up, directing her attention to the suspicious van below. Raige pouts that she doesn't understand why Piper doesn't just do her thing to everyone on the street. Piper reminds her of the possibility that someone could wander around the corner and stumble into the middle of it all. "Now you just need to use some of your God-given magic," she tells Raige, unbuttoning the top of the white lace camisole Raige is calling a blouse. Piper then fluffs Raige's boobs. No, seriously. She grabs one in each hand and smushes them together and up. It was at this point that I finally figured out who Raige looks like in her current outfit. Up until now, I was thinking she resembled one of the county girls changing in Shirley Jones's farmhouse before the box social in the movie version of Oklahoma! However, right here, Rose McGowan looks so much like Vivien Leigh at the beginning of Gone With The Wind, it's scary. You know, the part where Mammy's trying to shove biscuits and gravy down Scarlett's maw so she eats like a bird at the Twelve Oaks barbecue, and Scarlett's throwing a fit while dressed only in her camisole, corset, and pantalets. Take away the pantalets and add a knee-length white skirt of the same material, and you've got McGowan's look right now. She even has the same hair. The effect is eerie. Anyway, Raige glares at Piper for feeling her up, then retrieves the lemonade from the dining room table and heads towards the front door.
What follows is a slow-motion sequence of Raige descending the front steps to the sidewalk while various overweight, middle-aged blue-collar types drool. It does no favors for the actress while at the same time insulting whatever intelligence the audience has left after a season of similarly asinine nonsense, so let's just keep moving. While Raige distributes the lemonade, Piper darts over to the suspicious telecom van and freezes Bruce. Piper then turns to face the Manor and twitches her nose a la Samantha Stephens. Up in the attic, Phoebe spots the signal, switches off the boom box, and retreats to a circle of candles on the floor. She recites the spell and drops dead to the carpet as the camera swirls in on her form.