Episode Report Card Demian: C+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT This is the way the season ends
By Demian | Season 4 | Episode 22 | Aired on 05.15.2002
As soon as he's gone, Phoebe insists that the Ps take The Angel Of Massive Man-Teats up on his offer. Raige immediately begins sniping at her, and it's left to Piper to calm things down enough to formulate some sort of plan of action. She sends Raige to the attic to work out a scrying strategy with Selena's belongings, then summons the Dolt. He orbs in to confirm that Man-Teats and his offer are "legit." Piper instructs him to fetch Darryl to determine if Bruce is legitimate as well, as if the man's parentage has anything to do with the situation, and the Dolt orbs right back out of there. Piper then slings an arm over Phoebe's shoulder to lead her into the kitchen for some Constant Comment and Girl Scout cookies.
The Waste Land, and what crap now grows out of this stony rubbish? Cole clings to an outcropping of rock as Jenny slithers just below the surface of the earth beneath him. Another demonic chump comes flying through the sky to burst into a cluster of glowy lights on the sand. Cole hears Jenny's approach, and hops down onto the sand near the cluster. He bellows for Jenny to take him instead of the luckless cluster at his feet. As he steps forward, screaming, he inadvertently steps into the demonic cluster, which shimmies up his leg to dance around his head for a moment before diving into his mouth. Jenny rears up out of the sand, and Cole instinctively raises his hands to attack position. White bolts of electricity zap from his palms to scorch Jenny's pallid, slimy skin. Jenny screeches a bit, then retreats into the dirt. Cole, confused, stares at his hands as another chump comes flying out of the sky. This one sort of splats into the dirt with a squishy sound, and you know that crack I made earlier about Brad Kern's supposed affinity for masturbation jokes? Yeah, well, now I don't think I was too far off-base. Cole evaluates the clump of demonic semen, glances once more at his hands, and enthuses, "This could be good." Oh, for God's sake. Just use lotion like a normal person.
Manor attic. Raige sets fire to the finger of Selena's glove and drops it into a silver bowl. Over at the Book of Shadows, Piper reads aloud, "Before the flame subsides, let the wax from the candle drip onto the crystal. Once the crystal has been consecrated, scry with the crystal for the one who is sought." Raige follows the instructions as read, and presently a small cloud of smoke erupts from the bowl. "Ain't magic grand?" she snots directly at Piper. Piper ignores her in favor of receiving the latest update on the Bruce situation from Phoebe. Darryl's checked Bruce's story, and the facts seem to be correct. One thing, though: In addition to having traced Selena's genealogy, Bruce traced the Glamorous Ladies' as well, "all the way back to Melinda Warren." It seems that Bruce doesn't intend to release the gals from their obligation once they've found his supposed witch hunter. Phoebe cracks an unfunny about "Charlie's freaking Angels" that should have been made during the first season, and even then it wouldn't have been guaranteed a giggle. Meanwhile, Raige's scrying has produced a result as the crystal slams onto a spot on the map. She wonders if they should still try to capture Selena, given what they've just learned about Bruce. Piper sighs that they haven't much of a choice. "We can't let her run around burning people at the stake." Raige wearily allows her eyes to drop shut.
Cut to a nighttime establishing shot of a nondescript suburban home. Raige orbs into the living room with Piper and Phoebe in tow, and the gals glance around. Piper crosses to a nearby door and silently eases it open. She spots Selena in the adjoining room, surrounded by armed bodyguards. The ladies fret about this development, wondering why Bruce neglected to warn them. One of the bodyguards appears in another doorway and squeezes off a shot at Raige. Piper flings her hands open, freezing both guard and bullet, as Raige cringes with her arms crossed over her face. The bullet hangs in midair about a two feet from her head. Piper strides over from the door, bitching up a storm and batting the bullet to the floor. Another guard enters to fire at Raige. She orbs out defensively, leaving the bullet to shatter through the window behind where she'd been standing. Phoebe slams the guy into a bookcase as Raige orbs back in. Selena pops out just in time to take Raige's fist in her jaw. Selena snipers spread-eagled onto the carpet. Piper drops to her knees to check on the supposed killer, revealing Cole's shadowy form in the dim recesses of the far room. "Phoebe," he whispers. Phoebe gasps and points, but Cole vanishes before Piper can whip her head around in his direction. Yet another bodyguard leaps into the place Cole has just vacated, so Piper freezes him as well. The shot shifts to an overhead of the girls huddling over Selena's inert form. Raige dissolves the group into a great cloud of orbs that shoots up from the floor towards the camera and out into commercial.