Episode Report Card Erin: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT The Box, Part II
By Erin | Season 1 | Episode 13 | Aired on 02.09.2002
When the smoke clears, Syd unties Spy Daddy and asks him if he shut off the fail-safe. Unfortunately, only Sloane can do that. Syd announces that she's going to the vault, and Dixon says he's coming with her. "Dixon, you just had surgery!" she yells. "I'll meet you there!" he says, ignoring her.
Spy Daddy enters Sloane's Boudoir Of Beastly Pain. Spy Daddy tries to remove Sloane from his straps and tells Sloane that they have to deactivate the fail-safe. Sloane won't let anyone into the vault. Spy Daddy tells him that Sydney's on it. Sloane's all, Sydney's here? Spy Daddy's all, dude! Work with me here! How do I deactivate the fail-safe? Sloane tells him they can override it via a keypad in his office, but it's biometric. "It won't deactivate without my fingerprint," Sloane says. You see where this is going, don't you? Yeah, me too. Where's that bucket?
Spy Daddy keeps trying to get Sloane out of the steel arm bands, but Sloane's all, dude. It's gonna take you hours to get my hands outta here. "You could take my fingerprint," says Sloane reluctantly. Spy Daddy just kind of looks at him. "Jack!" says Sloane. "Take my right index fingerprint! Just take it!" Spy Daddy ties a makeshift tourniquet around Sloane's arm, grabs the cutters, and looks Sloane in the face. "Right. Index," says Sloane. Yeah. Ron Rifkin's kinda sexy right here. Sick, but true. Spy Daddy slides the cutters around Sloane's right index finger, takes one last look at Sloane's face, and cuts. EW! And there's even the sound of bone crunching! Gack! Sloane looks like someone just…well, he looks like someone just cut off his right index finger. Bucket, please.
Meanwhile, Back at the Batcave…er, I mean, "vault." Shovelhead's watching as the code breaker finds the final number. He gives his lips an extra coating of Chapstick. Ha. That's so funny. Not. Along with the sunglasses-indoors thing and the penchant-for-champagne thing, it would seem the final indicator that Shovelhead is indeed a quirky villain, this cute little "must not have chapped lips" thing. Look. It's Quentin Tarantino, okay? We're lucky he didn't pull out a can of oxygen and start singing "Blue Velvet."
So, anyway, the final number locks into place, and Shovelhead gets ready to enter the vault. Too bad Dixon shows up to try to kick his ass. Shovelhead neatly disposes of Dixon with a roundhouse kick to the gut. Syd shows up. "Lookin' for me?" says Shovelhead in all his "I'm a quippy villain" glory. Syd launches herself at him, but Quarantino's been practicing his Tae-Bo, so a fight ensues. It goes on for way too long, with Quarantino adding his "I gots yer kicks, I gots yer moves" remarks, and finally ends with Syd out for the count on the floor. Shovelhead turns once again to the vault.
Then Spy Daddy races into Sloane's office and types some stuff into the computer. He looks down at this clean white towel and opens it, briefly revealing Sloane's SEVERED FINGER. Hork. Same time, different location, Shovelhead pulls out some sort of hand drill. Couldn't he just, I don't know, OPEN THE VAULT NOW? What the hell good was the code? Oh, man, whatever. Let's just wrap it up already. To paraphrase Bull Durham, "Don't think, Regina. Just recap."