Episode Report Card Erin: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT The Box, Part II
By Erin | Season 1 | Episode 13 | Aired on 02.09.2002
Back in The Basement Of Convenient Plot Devices, Syd's using her MacGyver skills to freeze the bolts with the fire extinguisher fluid and then knock them off with the fire extinguisher itself. At the same time, Dixon's upstairs, attempting to nab his PDA. While The Fun-Lovin' Criminals are discussing the best way to prepare a rack of lamb for thirteen people without drying it out, Dixon manages to knock the PDA into his lap without them noticing. He turns it on and, using the strap of his bindings, enters a message to Langley. The message is perfectly spelled, with initial caps intact and absolutely perfect punctuation. Um, I can't type a sentence sitting at my computer, with BOTH my hands on the keyboard, without making at least one or two typing mistakes. And I'm not under the careful scrutiny of a bunch of lunkheads with guns. We're talking about a guy with his hands tied and no PDA pointer, IN A ROOM FULL OF KILLERS. Couldn't they just have had it be all caps or something? No punctuation? A couple of errant spaces? Come on! That would make at least a BIT more sense than this and I wouldn't be throwing dirty tissues at the screen and screaming, "LAME LAME LAME!"
Anyway. Syd's still going at the bolts. She runs out of fire extinguisher juice and scrambles to find something else to use. I'll be really honest here; I have no idea what the hell she does next. She sort of kicks some bars out from somewhere, grabs 'em, and then cuts some wire on the ceiling. At that precise moment, the TV screens go out in the security room and, as unbelievable plot devices would have it, one of the FLCs just happens to be passing by and notices it. He informs Shovelhead of this new development, and Shovelhead tells him to go check it out. Syd's now wrapping the cut wire around the bars, and it turns out she's making some sort of makeshift power wrench or something. Doesn't she have a BAG FULL OF TOOLS? Wouldn't a WRENCH come in handy right about now?
I can't think about this crap too much. My head already hurts, and my stomach won't allow painkillers at the moment. The worst part about having the stomach flu while recapping this show? No alcohol. I mean, I don't even have a desire to drink right now and I really, really need to. Dammit. I think God hates me. That, or J.J. Abrams sent me an airborne virus in my Visa bill. Bastard.
L.A.'s version of Langley. Agent Sean busts into Vaughn's office and tells him that the CIA POP mail servers just picked up an email from SD-6. Captain Curious asks if it's from Jack. Yeah, 'cuz Jack's always sending emails to the general CIA email box. Dipshit. Sean tells him it's from Dixon and that he's calling the CIA for help. Vaughn storms out of his office and down the hall, obviously on his way to Devlin's office. On the way, he passes The Weasel, who tries to intercept him. Vaughn's all, not now, you short, stupid suckbutt.