Episode Report Card Erin: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT The Box, Part II
By Erin | Season 1 | Episode 13 | Aired on 02.09.2002
The one person on the planet who is "more tough-ass den" WCAC happens to be hustling her way through a sub-basement hallway at the moment. Syd's now sporting the missing FLC's stylin' bulletproof vest and looking immensely determined. She comes upon an exit door that starts to open. Taking a defensive stance, Syd hides behind the opening door and attacks a man with a gun. Too bad that man is Vaughn. She's all, what in the hell are you doin' here? He's all, Dixon contacted us. She's all, Dixon WHAT? He's all, is SD-6 under attack and are you okay? She's all, here's the deal. Let's just assume we allllll know what the deal is and move on to the part where they go deactivate the C-4, okay?
And here we are at the C-4. Commander Stupid points out that there must be over two hundred pounds of C-4 in this room. Spy Barbie wants to know if he ever took bomb defusion courses at Langley. Do they offer those at regular learning institutions? Hell, if they had, I would have dropped right out of that useless "Shakespeare's Women" class and jumped right into learning the difference between the green wire and the blue wire. Special Officer Crumply looks sort of blankly at the trigger and announces that he only attended a seminar on bomb defusion at Langley. Well, now, that's not really the same thing as a "course," now is it, First Mate Forehead? Syd says pretty much the same thing.
All right. Here's where the show and I part ways. Why? Because Syd and Vaughn start sort of whisper-speaking back and forth about the bomb structure and what wires they should cut and what the hell are those prisms and blah dee blah dee blah. I can't make heads or tails of their discussion and, frankly, I don't really care to. They're going to defuse the bomb. We all know they're going to defuse the bomb. There's another episode and, derr, they're BOTH IN IT. So, like, just get on with it. Long story short? Vaughn locates the central trigger device and goes in to pull it out of its socket. Sydney thinks this is too easy. Vaughn pulls out his Binaca Blast spray and shoots it at the trigger, revealing a grid of lasers that, if interrupted, will most likely set off the C-4 and turn Staff Sergeant Simper into a gooey stain on the wall of the Au Bon Pain three blocks away. There's a little cutesy back-and-forth about whose hands are steadier, but Sydney wins the coin toss and pulls out the pin, rendering the bomb inactive. Before they can pull out the Dom Perignon and do it like they do it on the Discovery Channel, WCAC shows up and shows them the business end of her AK-47. Doh!
Break time. Normally, this is the time of the recapping where I'd get some more ice, refill my glass with liquor and mixer, empty my ashtray, check my emails, surf for a few, and then reluctantly settle back down to business. What, you may ask, am I doing tonight? Throwing away mounds of disgusting tissues, disinfecting my water glass, disinfecting my keyboard and mouse, refilling my water glass, opening another box of tissues, staring at my computer in a hunger-induced haze, and reluctantly settling back down to business.