Episode Report Card Erin: C+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Swing Out, Sister
By Erin | Season 3 | Episode 20 | Aired on 04.24.2004
The second he leaves, she gets on comm and tells Jack she's headed to the vault. Jack copies that and says they're on schedule. And that's when Sloane enters the inner sanctum of The Trust, which appears to consist of five old guys sitting around a table. This is The Trust? I'd expect them to be wearing capes and masks, they've been made out to be so damned mystical and all-powerful. But no. Just a bunch of old guys. "Greetings from the dead, gentlemen," snits Sloane. Syd announces that she's standing by to receive. Jack tells her they're retrieving the retinal scans now. Then we get a shot of what Sloane is obviously seeing through his glasses. He focuses on Old Guy #1 as he blathers on about Rambaldi and the work he did with them. I could recap the whole sequence, including the gathering of all the scans, but really, do you need me to? He just blah blahs and, one by one, gets the scans.
After they have three scans, Syd moves to authorize or something at the vault. Sloane goes to get his fourth scan. He gets it. Then he blathers something about how The Trust won't harm him because if they do, he'll spill their secrets to the press. Or something. I really don't care. I mean, Rifkin's great and everything, but this entire scan-gathering scenario is long and drawn out and just leads to another Rambaldi artifact, so let's move on, shall we? All that's important is that Marlon gets all pissy with Sloane about being blackmailed and gets up to leave. Without Sloane getting his retinal scan. Sloane moves fast, slamming Marlon up against the wall. While looking directly into his face, Sloane threatens Marlon with the knowledge of Marlon's son's "unseemly predilections." Jack informs Sloane that they got the final scan and tells him to get out. "Thank you for your time, gents," says Sloane, making for the exit so fast he's practically a blur with a bald spot.
Jack tells Syd they have the final scan, and she enters it. She gains access to the vault and enters. Once inside, she finds what she's looking for and is about to remove it when Tweedy reappears. Syd quickly dispatches him with a well-placed spray of You're Never Going To Get Laid So You Might As Well Just Pass Out potion to the eyes, and he goes down for the count. Syd tells Jack that she has the package and to meet her at the rendezvous point as scheduled. The rendezvous point seems to be just outside the reflecting pool beneath the Washington Monument. We see a hand with a glass ball filled with Green Goo™. What, so it went from liquid form to a nicely filled glass ball? The hell? Whatever. The hand places the ball into the stolen Rambaldi machine. It powers up. An ancient piece of paper starts slipping out of the machine. "There it is," says Sloane. There WHAT is, you lawn gnome? All I see are scratchings on that piece of paper. And you know what? They don't say, "The Passenger is HERE." Syd asks what it is, and Jack says it looks like brain waves. "We found her," says Sloane. Oh, please.
Torture Chamber of Seriously Sexy Victims. We're back. And while I am heartily pleased and encouraged that Vaughn is still shirtless, I am wholeheartedly disgusted to see that Moronen has arrived and is now pawing at Vaughn's face with a towel. Sit down, Moronen. And use that towel on your own damn face; your eyeliner is rampaging down your cheeks. "Don tushe me," slurs Vaughn, obviously depleted after his magic wand session with Sark. Heh. Heh heh heh. Oh, I know he's supposed to be in PAIN, but it's still HoYay-rrific. Moronen's pleading with her husband to give it up because Sark's about to give him the "Inferno Protocol," which…just…yeah. Anyone else out there originally think this "protocol" involved hooking up a turntable and listening to "Disco Inferno" over and over again at top volume until the torture victim shrieks, "PLEASE! STOP! NO MORE! I'LL TALK! JUST PUT THE SATURDAY NIGHT FEVER SOUNDTRACK AWAAAAAAY!!!" Huh. Maybe that was just me.