Episode Report Card Erin: C+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Swing Out, Sister
By Erin | Season 3 | Episode 20 | Aired on 04.24.2004
And now is the time on Alias when we dance.
Oops Center. Dix is filling in the troops on Moronen evading Weiss's half-assed surveillance. Weiss steps up and states that Vaughn's gone missing as well. Dix believes that Vaughn may have been compromised. Ya think? Dix goes on to say that Weiss is in charge of assembling a search team, and that they should be ready to move just as soon as they get a lead. We switch to Jack and Sloane, sitting in a car. Sloane puts on a rather ridiculous pair of glasses as Jack reminds him that he'll need a five-second lock on each individual in order to register the scan. Sloane just gets out and tells Jack to wish him luck. True to his nature, Jack doesn't utter a word.
Inside what I'm assuming is supposed to be the Smithsonian, Syd's walking across the floor beneath a huge dinosaur skeleton. Jack gets on the comm and tells her that Sloane's on his way to obtain the retinal scans. "Make sure you get to the vault and we'll have the codes," he says. Uh, thanks, Dad. I think I can handle it. I am, after all, dressed in an outfit that no museum geek can resist. Namely, an ankle-length brown skirt, a brown cardigan, a pink blouse, brown nerd glasses, and a chignon that won't quit. Syd moves into position just as a museum geek comes out to greet her. He wipes his hand on his tweed jacket and introduces himself. His name isn't important, though, so I'll just refer to him as Tweedy. Syd plays her role as Geek Girl very well, announcing amazement at the dinosaur skeleton above her. They engage in some geekspeak, with Geek Syd stunning Tweedy with her dino knowledge. A geek romance is born.
As they move through the museum, they talk about some more dino stuff that I really couldn't care less about. Geek Syd works an angle about dinosaurs being closer in relation to birds than reptiles, and somehow this makes Tweedy mention the Hainan fossil from China. Geek Syd flirts geekily that she was hoping to see the fossil. Tweedy stutters that it's still in analysis, so that would be impossible. Hilariously, Geek Syd turns on the waterworks, and this melts ol' Tweedy's heart. He agrees to make an exception in her case, obviously hoping that, by the end of the evening, he'll be analyzing her fossils very closely, without benefit of a microscope.
Torture Chamber of Seriously Sexy Victims. Vaughn's still strung up. And he's still bleeding. And he's still hot. As the close-up on his naked chest clearly indicates. Sark's impressed with Vaughn's defense mechanisms. Of course, the magic wand (hee!) is on the lowest setting…so, why don't we just flick it up a few notches to "really pleasurable"? Sark hits a switch, and electricity hums. "I'm through showing restraint," he says. "Now, I'll ask you again: where is The Passenger?" Vaughn slowly looks up, sweat and water running down his face. "Holding that thing…you almost look like you've reached puberty." HEE! Sark, never having gotten over being the smallest kid in his high school graduating class, just slams the magic wand into Vaughn's chest. Vaughn screams in pain. And that's when Moronen slips around the corner. Dammit. Isn't she DEAD YET?
Back with the Geeks. Tweedy's yammering at Syd about how she has great timing as Syd pretends to be interested in the Hainan fossil. And before you can ask, yes, it does exist. I'll say it for the writers; their plots are sometimes inconceivable, but they do their damn research, that's for sure. Syd asks if the museum's already done the CT scan. He says that they have. Syd then acts as if she's on the verge of a really great orgasm and says she'd looooove to see it. Tweedy says they're in radiology, so he'll go get him some. Them. He'll go get them. "Thank you," says Syd, in this totally funny voice and with an expression of "I will do things to you with a fossilized bone that you've never thought possible as soon as you get back here" on her face. Hee. Tweedy runs off to get the scans.