Episode Report Card Omar G: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Oh My Zod!
By Omar G | Season 5 | Episode 1 | Aired on 09.28.2005
Kent home. Clark superzips into the wrecked house. He calls for his parents, but doesn't find them. Where's his x-ray vision? Instead, Lex walks in. Lex thanks God that Clark is all right. "Where's my Mom and Dad?" Clark asks bitterly. Yeah, how are you doing too, ass? Lex says that they're at the hospital. He updates Clark on MamaKent's condition -- concussion and a broken leg. Clark asks about Lana. "Lana's safe," Lex says. He adds that it's Chloe he's worried about. She's missing after being in the cave with Lex. Clark says she must have escaped. "Or someone helped her out," Lex says. He adds that, before he passed out in the cave, he saw a light brighter than anything he'd ever seen. Brighter than Streisand? Lex swears he saw Clark standing in the epicenter. Don't use big words, Lex; Clark's education isn't complete yet. "I was nowhere near those caves," Clark lies. Lex asks where Clark's been. Clark says he got a ride on a military van. If Clark doesn't move at all, he figures, the lie will be undetectable! Lex thinks that Clark is being less than honest, and asks why that is. "I have no idea," Clark asshats. Lex thinks lying is an unshakable habit with Clark. "I don't have to listen to this," Clark says. Right. Because you're the one lying your ass off. "Then be straight with me, for once," Lex says. It wins the coveted Gayest Look of the Episode. Gayest Line of All Time, perhaps. Lex puts his hand on Clark's shoulder. Come on, Clark. Didn't you at least bring back a gift for Lex from your trip? An ice dildo, perhaps? "If you're my friend," Lex says, with his hands on both of Clark's arms, "just tell me the truth." This won't end well. "Were you in the caves when the meteors hit?" Lex asks. Clark should just say, "Gulliblebaldmansayswhat?" "What?" "Exactly." "No," Clark lies. Your soul, Clark. I smell it burning. Lex exits, frustrated with his asshat "friend." You should go on Myspace.com or something, Lex. You'd find much cooler high-school-aged people to hang out with there.
Commercials. Everwood promoed with a Franz Ferdinand song? Am I still dreaming?
Smallville Medical Center. Lois is on the phone trying to tell the police about the iZods. Clark shows up. Lois hangs up, without finishing her conversation, and hugs Clark. He asks if she's all right. She puts a hand to her neck, but says she's fine. Clark goes to find his parents while Lois tries to explain about the dangerous iZods. Clark sees the minor destruction in the hospital. "What'd they want?" he asks. Lois says that they were looking for Kal-El: "Ever heard of him?" Clark asks where they went.