Episode Report Card Omar G: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Oh My Zod!
By Omar G | Season 5 | Episode 1 | Aired on 09.28.2005
A country road. Lex, in his sleek silver convertible, is speeding along. Nice continuity with the bloody mark on his neck. Shot of Lana shambling across the road, unmindful of an approaching car. Apparently, her injury was so severe it affected her hearing, too. Lex brakes. Lana just stands there, a deer in the headlights. Would that it had happened when she was in the road about to get run over. Lex gets out of the car and asks what happened. Lana tries, hilariously, to limp down the street. Hey, Lex, tuck in that shirt. Lana says, "They're still out there. They'll kill us if they find us." She's doing the Elaine dance from Seinfeld. Lex offers to call a doctor. Lana says they're not safe. It's better to walk down the road at a tenth of a mile an hour than to escape in Lex's sports car. Lex puts his arms around Lana. She struggles and yells. Lex tells her she's in shock, and that it's over. Lana stops struggling and says, "There's a man and a woman..." Stop me if you've heard this one. Isn't there a rabbi in this joke, too? Lana says that they're right behind her and Lex. Lex half-turns, but knows Lana's full of delusions of pancakes. Lana tells Lex that the man and woman came out of a spaceship. Lex holds Lana by her bloodied head. "Where?" he asks. "Lander's Field," she says. Appropriate. Lex patronizes Lana, telling her that it's all right to be a fucking loon right now. Lana pushes Lex away with both hands. "Get out!" She says she knows what she saw. She limps away from Lex, back in the direction she came from. I'd snark some more on that, but she suddenly collapses. Damn you, Lana! Well played. Instead of rushing to help her or catch her as she falls, Lex just stares. Even he's getting sick of her shit.
Hey, it's a John Irving township. Mountains surround a cute little town where every building looks exactly the same, almost as if by Photoshop magic. A nurse is giving Chloe her call button. Clark stands in the doorway. Oh right. I recap Smallville. I almost forgot how much time I'll be spending writing about conversations in hospitals. Chloe is smirking a bit. She asks who's more freaked out: herself for being in a hospital where they deliver medicine by dogsled, or Clark, his secret exposed. Clark looks scared. "How long have you known?" he asks. Chloe mentions the quick exits, the miraculous recoveries, the lame excuses. She says that when she saw Clark catch a car like a beach ball, it confirmed everything. Chloe says she figured Clark would tell her he was of the "superpower persuasion" when he was ready. Staring out a window, Clark says, "You're a good friend, Chloe." Sorry he can't return the favor. She says, a little sadly, "Obviously not good enough." Clark whines that he wanted to tell her lots of times. Chloe doesn't blame him. She asks if Lana knows. Clark finally turns. "No," he says. Chloe says she'll never be the iceberg to Clark's Titanic, and that the secret will never leave her lips. Clark appreciates that. Chloe's poker face breaks, and she asks about a few "blind spots." She asks how they got to the North Pole, and what was happening in the Fortress of Ice Dildos. Clark says there are things about himself that even he doesn't understand. Feelings. Urges. Fluids. Clark says that the meteor rocks didn't give him his powers. "So you were born this way?" Chloe asks. Clark says he wasn't born near town. Or near this galaxy. Chloe has a moment of disbelief. She starts to say he's an alien, but struggles through it: "But you look so..." "Human?" Clark asks. Clark says he's still the same person. He starts to look nervous. Chloe shakes her head. "Clark, I..." Worrisome moment. "...I think you're so amazing," she finishes. She compliments him for saving lives with no credit: "To me you're more than just a hero. You're a superhero." She says that if more humans were like Clark, the world would be a better place. Coming from anyone else, this little speech might seem pretty lame. Chloe smiles. Clark smiles too, relieved. On a mounted TV screen, we see shots of the meteor attack on Smallville. Clark turns up the volume. Shot of the Kent home. "They didn't get out," Clark says, darkly. "My parents didn't get out." Chloe tells Clark that the town needs him more than she does. "Go," she advises. Twice. Clark zips out, almost taking Chloe's container of orange juice with him. She's a bit turned on. "Whoa," she says.