Episode Report Card Omar G: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Oh My Zod!
By Omar G | Season 5 | Episode 1 | Aired on 09.28.2005
Sirens. Police cars approach. This won't end well, I'll bet. Brother from Another turns very slowly and calmly. A police chopper approaches, too. A fly-over shows all the chaos of the police arriving at the smoking crater. Lana limps out of frame. It's pretty funny. We see the spaceship inside the crater. All the cops get into position. Angry PR Lady eyejaculates some orange fireballs and blows up the helicopter. Lana, in a self-homage, is thrown forward by the fireball. The cops all start firing their shotguns at the pair of Kryptonians. (Mini-skirt much, Angry PR Lady?) Hey, the black guy didn't do anything. Why are they shooting at him? Man! Racist! The five million rounds of ammunition spent don't seem to do a damn thing. Brother from Another and Angry PR Lady just stare at the cops. Angry PR Lady's eyes turn orange again, and she blows up a police cruiser. Get hybrids, foolish Earthlings! Brother from Another starts contributing to the destruction. The camera swirls around them as they just stand there, not emoting as CGI fireballs shoot. That must have been tons of fun to shoot. "Just stand here, in your ridiculous black outfits, and stare, but don't emote. What do you mean you want to do something? We're not paying you to act!" More fireballs. More destruction. The Kryptonians almost cross eyejaculate streams, which I imagine would be very awkward. The cop cars are burning, but all the officers have mysteriously disappeared. Spoooky! Lana watches from the brush. "Where's the girl?" Angry PR Lady asks. "I want to critique her posture." So you guys can shoot fireballs from your eyes, but you can't hear a limping girl stumble off about twenty feet away? Brother from Another says, "She's irrelevant." If only, dude. If only. "We must find Kal-El," he says, seriously. "Dude owes me some money. He lost a bet on a game of Madden '06." We flash down to Angry PR Lady's midsection for no reason except to show that she has a black tattoo on her lower back. It's a "Z" with some dots and what looks like a tiny skin-colored fetus in the middle. All right, folks. I'm going to let you in on a Guy Secret. When we see a girl with a tattoo on her lower back, we think two things: "Slut." And then, "Giggity!" I'm not saying women with those tattoos are slutty. I'm just saying that's what we think when we see them. Since getting married, I now add a third thought: "What are her grandkids gonna think when she bends over to pick up a bag of potatoes in the kitchen? How horrified will they be, exactly?" Lana stares at the tattoo. I yawn loudly.