Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: A+ | 29 USERS: A YOU GRADE IT The Ordeal Of Cold Water
By Jacob Clifton | Season 4 | Episode 9 | Aired on 08.06.2013
Veronica: "Whatever. Until they can corroborate Mona's confession, at which point she goes to jail, the trial is moving forward."Ashley: "Cool, what's the bad news then? Say it in a really breezy tone like it's no big deal, no matter the amount."
Veronica: "Done. As a cop killa, your bail is set at a mere one million dollars."
Ashley: "That is a lot of fucking pasta, my friend."
THAT MAN, THE SWIMMING MAN
Emily: "This place is great! It's like swimming jail!"
Man: "Yes, we put people and their bodies through hell until all they are is swimming. You know how stupid fucking Ryan Lochte is so clearly vacant inside himself that it makes him kind of hard to look at directly? I did that. We have a special laser that actually removes your soul, so you can cram even more swimming into yourself until all you are is swimming and then oh, you just swim and swim."
Some success stories walk by in swimsuits, and this is their conversation:
Chick: "Swimming? Swimming. Swim."
Chick: "Swimming, swim! Swim-swam-swimmo."
Man: "So you're taking a year off to train?"
Emily: "Just tell me how wonderfully horrible it's all going to be."
Man: "Well, you get an apple every day at 5 AM and that provides you with energy for the day. Then you pray to Swimming, on your knees, for an hour. Then a bell rings, and there's no talking all day, until Vespers. Just swimming. And then basically you swim. While you do this, I yell at you. Call you the most terrible, vicious names. Then at 7 PM you get an hour off swimming so you can do weight training, then it's right back in the pool. Oh, you sleep in the pool. You sleep as long as you can hold your breath. And the morning apples are tossed into the pool and there are never quite enough, so you have to fight over them. Did I mention that part?"
She's like, "This shit is my Green Gables. I have never been this happy in my entire life."
SOME RANDOM PARK
Hanna will just be having a screaming fit right out here in public near this park bench, if you don't mind.
Hanna: "TEN PERCENT OF A MILLION IS FUCKING A HUNDRED THOU, DADDY. I KNOW YOU HAVE IT... BECAUSE I KNOW YOU GODDAMN HAVE IT, DON'T YOU FUCKING QUESTION ME. YOU TELL THAT WHORE WIFE OF YOURS TO GIVE IT UP, BECAUSE I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE. I KNOW WHERE YOU FUCKING LIVE. YOU LIKE YOUR KNEECAPS, DADDY? HATE FOR ANYTHING TO HAPPEN TO THEM. DON'T YOU CRY. DON'T YOU CRY TO ME, DADDY. YOU JUST TRY HARDER, THAT'S WHAT YOU DO. AND DON'T FUCKING CALL ME AGAIN UNTIL YOU'VE GOT CASH IN HAND."
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