Episode Report Card Couch Baron: B+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Don't Worry, The Title's Ironic
By Couch Baron | Season 1 | Episode 5 | Aired on 08.03.1997
McManus and Diane enter the staff meeting, where the topic is "drugs." The prevailing sentiment is that they're losing the war, like, no shit (Wangler!), and the consensus advanced is that shutting down the biggest operation, which belongs to Schibetta, would be a breakthrough. Healy gets the Hypocritical Hack award by complaining that the more they try to stop the drugs, the more they get in. Healy, I thought you'd have a clear handle on the definition of the word "stop," given that it's a traffic signal and all. Get it? "Traffic"? Because he's selling drugs? Jeez, cut a wounded recapper a break, people! Burruano opines that the inmates are experts at "movin' shit through any system," and what is with all the setups here? I really don't need to be thinking so much about Wangler's digestive system, especially considering the current state of my own. Glynn notes that McManus wanted Schibetta in Em City, as he said he could "reach" him. McManus whines, "I will, in time." Dude, given enough time, mankind might find a cure for incompetence, God complexes, and general toolishness, but Glynn's point is that you have to do something about your problems now, you insufferable pantywaist. McManus smugly suggests that they ask Said to help contain the drug problem, and I don't know why he's looking so pleased with the idea when it wasn't his in the first place, like, remember when you got all pissed off at Glynn for coming up with it two episodes ago, Timbo? Of course you don't. If I put the whiskey into an IV drip, do you think that'll be enough to dull my hatred of this ass-faced jerkweed? No, I don't either.
McManus asks Said for his help. Said's all, do your own fucking job and find another patsy to end up with his throat cut, you ineffective bucket of horse piss. He says it more sagely and calmly than that, but the meaning was perfectly clear. He goes on that he's trying to combat the addiction. This prompts Pete, who was out of the frame until now, to say that she's trying to do the same thing with her counseling sessions. Said's not particularly impressed, and is shown out. McManus postures about fucking with Schibetta's head. Whatever.
McManus pedeconferences with Schibetta. He tells the capo that he's had a tough couple of weeks, and that he's losing influence. "The days of the Mafia are over." Schibetta: "Che cosa 'Mafia'?" This dialogue is sparkling like three-day-old Zima. And it tastes about as good, too. McManus tells him that he might want to consider making a deal with the D.A. Sure, Tim, a little speech from you is going to be enough to get the Sicilians to start ratting on each other. Hey, when you're done here, why don't you try preaching a message of racial equality to Schillinger -- I think you've still got some time before lunch. Schibetta: "You are a fool, McManus. You can try for the next thousand years not to be a fool, but you'll always be one." That Zima turned into a Stoli and tonic awfully fast. Schibetta's point is that he's not going to change. So snarking on McManus was just a fringe benefit? Cool! I love this job!