Episode Report Card Gustave: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Yelena! Yelena!
By Gustave | Season 1 | Episode 23 | Aired on 05.13.2002
Back at CTU, Nina and Mason sit in the Kiefer Kube and plan how to find TerrorHopper now that the TerrorMinions have shed the tracking device they planted on LittleTerrorBrother. Mason tells her to find some other Whatever Technology to track down the TerrorBrothers, like their spy satellite or some computer simulator. The phone rings. Mason takes the call on his speakerphone. It's Kiefer. He's free, but he can't come in just yet. At the sound of Kiefer's velvety but distorted voice, Nina lunges at the phone like Liza Minnelli at the pharmacist's counter. "Let us help you," pleads Mason. Kiefer hangs up. Mason and Nina konklude from Kiefer's kaginess that he's on his way to go kill Palmer. Mason calls Palmer's Secret Service detail to warn them.
Then the DrazenTerrorVan arrives at an abandoned dock, like the ones that are always haunted in Scooby Doo. FATB and TerrorHopper jump out of their TerrorVan and go into a warehouse, where GaggedSpawn is being held and LittleTerrorBrother is being attended to by a ForeignAccentedTerrorDoctor. ForeignAccentedTerrorDoctor explains that he cannot stop "zee internal bleeding." "Do not let him die!" says Hopper in a monotone. It's official, Hopper. You suck. I thought that maybe you needed a few "hours" to warm up and get going, so I withheld my disdain for a while, but I am hereby counting the seconds until you leave the cast of this show. If you wanted something to do to fill your empty days, why didn't you just adopt a retired greyhound or take a flower-arranging class with your friend Jack Nicholson? LittleTerrorBrother sees his father. His face lights up with Serbian Daddy Love. LTB removes his breathing apparatus from his mouth and, uh, dies. "I'm zorry," says ForeignAccentedTerrorDoctor. "Zere ees nuh-sing more I can doo." Spawn's face falls into sadness around her silvery duct tape gag. Does she sympathize with TerrorHopper's loss, or is she merely aware that she's going to experience some payback for LittleTerrorBrother's death? After some pathetic attempts to convey Eastern European grief, FATB gets angry and pulls out a gun with which to shoot Spawn. TerrorHopper stops him: "Not yet, vee still need her!" Spawn whimpers through her gag. FATB puts down the gun. Man, I cannot wait until this pathetic plotline resolves itself violently and I can stop pretending that it's going to lead anywhere meaningful. Just one and four-fifths of a recap to go until my summer begins. The time is 10:09:49 PM.