Episode Report Card Gustave: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Yelena! Yelena!
By Gustave | Season 1 | Episode 23 | Aired on 05.13.2002
Tonight's episode has been brought to you by Taco Bell. I don't know what happened, but all of a sudden Taco Bell stopped being my guilty pleasure this past month. For some reason, I've become newly obsessed with Kentucky Fried Chicken and their "Triple Crunch" sandwiches. I think it's because it consists of three boneless fried chicken components, which makes for more crispy surface area than your basic crispy chicken sandwich. Oh, and speaking of Taco Bell, Eli, my Chihuahua, was almost cast in a Samsung commercial the other day. It's true. My best friend Larry called me at work and told me that he'd just met this casting director who needed a small dog for a commercial. There was this toy poodle lined up originally, but nothing was confirmed and the trainers weren't returning this woman's phone calls all of a sudden. They weren't looking for a dog that was trained to do tricks or anything. They just wanted a dog who would sit quietly on an actor's lap and be really cute. Larry thought of Eli immediately because Eli is the quintessential lap dog. He doesn't just sit on someone's lap, he invades it. You can stand up and do cartwheels, and he'll still be curled up and stuck to your left thigh. Payment would be $100 per hour plus residuals. I told Larry to go ahead and make the deal. I got off the phone and started surfing the web in search of things I could buy with the money I had "made" tomorrow. Five minutes later, my phone rang again. It was Larry. The toy poodle finally called back. Eli was out. It was just as well, I philosophized later on. Benjamin, my Pomeranian, would have gotten jealous and there'd be this whole What Ever Happened To Baby Jane scene in my apartment for the entire summer.
The time is 10:14:02 PM. Klockwise from the top left, LittleTerrorBrother is still dead on a stretcher, Kiefer drives to Century City, Palmer reads something campaign-related, and Perky Patty primps by the elevator. Patty primps by the elevator…and primps some more. Gee, Patty, are you getting laid in a few minutes? Maybe this is how her hair got short all of a sudden. She just pulled out a hand mirror while waiting for the elevator and trimmed it herself. Lady Mac enters, sees her primping, and tells her Secret Service detail to leave them alone together. Patty tells her -- mid-primp -- that she's seeing Palmer that night. "He didn't waste any time huh?" says Lady Mac, with a mixture of triumph and sadness. Patty says that she feels uncomfortable about the whole thing. "Don't patronize me," says Lady Mac. "You feel uncomfortable…but not because you're ready to be with my husband. You feel uncomfortable because you're doing it with my knowledge and consent." Oh, I don't know. Maybe Patty just feels uncomfortable because Lady Mac's face is no more than two and a half inches from hers and she can smell the partially digested Caesar salad and Dubonnet from the party downstairs. Patty asks Lady Mac why she's doing this. Lady Mac explains that she needs to have her husband's full confidence -- confidence that she no longer has. Lady Mac? Haven't you read Machiavelli? Don't give away your motive so soon. "And you're okay with it?" asks Patty. "I never said I was okay with it," corrects Lady Mac. "I accept it because it's necessary." The elevator finally comes. "Your elevator's waiting," says Lady Mac.