Episode Report Card Erin: C+ | 1 USERS: B+ YOU GRADE IT Welcome to the Apple Store. Would you like a gun with your iPod?
By Erin | Season 4 | Episode 1 | Aired on 01.04.2005
We switch to an establishing night shot of Washington, D.C. Faster than you can say, "Where's the hotness?" we switch to Vaughn, angrily hitting the shit out of a punching bag and pretending it's his dead ex-wife's face. And yes, he looks good. Even when he's angry. ["He could stand to eat a sandwich, though. He's a little on the Adam's-apple-y side." -- Sars] Agent Sean enters and is all, dude? Bag's dead! Give it up! Vaughn stops and turns to his buddy. "Thanks for coming," he sweats. "Thanks for sweating," quips Agent Sean. Hee. Back in the locker room, Vaughn and Sean soap each other up and -- no! That's a TOTALLY different television show. Excuse me. Vaughn's just toweling off and Sean asks how he's doing. "I think a full month of psych evaluation is enough," exposits Vaughn, giving us the amount of time that's supposed to have passed since the end of last season, and also an indication of just what role Vaughn might be playing this season. Ladies and gentlemen, say hello to Agent Exposition.
Agent Sean goes on to wonder out loud whether or not a month of psych eval is enough for someone as craaaaaazy as Vaughn. It would appear that shortly after shooting his wife, Vaughn went and burned their house down. "It wasn't a happy home," grits Vaughn. "Yeah but…fire," returns Sean. "Yeah, well," says Agent Exposition, "you bury your dead girlfriend, then dumbly marry the first blonde bimbo to cross your path, then discover your dead girlfriend's really alive, listen in as your double agent wife makes it with a hot British guy, chase after some dude and his daughter and yet another stupid Rambaldi device, get advice on how to kill your duplicitous wife from your ex-dead-girlfriend's seriously crazy father, make out with your ex-dead-girlfriend, then cross the globe in fifteen minutes flat, courtesy of a wrinkle in time, save your true love's life, then kill your wife after learning she's a vicious homicidal double agent, and see how rational you are." "Yeah but…exposition," says Sean. See? These expository scenes aren't clunky AT ALL.
Whatever. Agent Sean offers up his bachelor pad to his buddy and Vaughn just says that he's leaving. There's a beat, then Sean realizes that Vaughn means he's leaving the CIA. "Is this because of Sydney?" says Sean. "It's not because of Sydney," says Vaughn. "It's because last year sucked." Amen, brother. And, yeah, that's a shout-out to you, me, and everyone who thought that last year, indeed, sucked. Sean's all, dude? Have you talked to Sydney lately? Vaughn's all, no, dude. Not this week, not last week. In fact, I haven't talked to her since last MAY, but that's not important right now. Sean goes on to inform him that Sydney quit that afternoon. Vaughn gets a look on his face that's either shock or gas. I'm not sure which. Maybe he's about to launch into another expository paragraph. Run for your lives!