Episode Report Card Erin: C+ | 1 USERS: B+ YOU GRADE IT Welcome to the Apple Store. Would you like a gun with your iPod?
By Erin | Season 4 | Episode 1 | Aired on 01.04.2005
The small-bladdered bitch outside the door is getting antsy, so Syd just shouts at her that she's almost done. She finishes dressing Doof down with some dirt to the hair and an improvised Chinese symbol to the front of his now-ripped undershirt. He looks wildly different and, I hate to say it, kind of like Robert Smith of The Cure. He'll never get laid looking like that. Small-Bladdered Bitch bangs on the door yet again and Syd jumps over, wrenching it open. "How badly do you have to go?" she snaps at the short chick with the blond wig standing before her. Syd then grabs her arm and pulls her inside. Seconds later, Doof walks out and struts through the club as Sydney instructed him to. Syd then walks out, dressed in Small-Bladdered Bitch's outfit, which, of course, fits her perfectly. Including the blonde wig. Doof gets to the door, passes the baddies, knocks into one of them, and then yips at the baddie in Chinese. Syd runs off, leaving a cold, naked, wigless Chinese girl chained to a pipe in the bathroom. Hope she has her picture phone with her or else no one will believe it really happened!
Hell-Lay. Aw. I missed typing that. When the title card goes away, we're obviously somewhere at the CIA and Angela Bassett has obviously taken over as the head of Sydney's division. Or something. Who cares? Angie looks good. It would appear that Sydney's being grilled about her conduct in Shanghai. Why, you may ask? To which I would respond: does it matter? No. No, it does not. Because this entire thing is a charade (pronounced "chuh-rod," if you please), as we will soon find out. All we're supposed to think for the moment is that Syd's in trouble for getting Shopkeeper killed and Angie's not pleased about it. Angie's all, dude? You fucked up in Shanghai. Sydney's all, dude? Like I care. I did what I thought had to be done. Oh, and when was the last time YOU were in the field, huh, Desk Jockey? Angie's all, oh, no you di'nt. Syd's all, oh, yes I did.
Back and forth, you're a danger to the department, flotsam and jetsam, at least I get the job done, yin and yang, at the risk of endangering everyone around you, Mutt and Jeff, like I give a shit, coffee and cream, that's a nice attitude, Dick and Tracy, you ain't seen nothin' yet, peanut butter and jelly, how 'bout I stick your ass in a cozy little desk in a corner of the CIA no one's ever even SEEN before, big and tall, are you DEMOTING me, black and blue, you bet yer ass I am, diamonds and pearls, I don't know what you have against me but I'm not gonna sit here and defend my record, bedknobs and broomsticks, I don't really give a shit what you do because I resent you and everything you stand for and I'd surely appreciate it if you'd get your killer booty down to the mailroom and get me a vanilla latte while you're at it, beeyotch. Sydney stands up and stares down Angie. "If this is your decision, [Angie]," she says coldly, "I will no longer burden the CIA with the hazard of my participation." "Are you opting to terminate your association with the CIA?" says Angie. "I will say it in English for you," snits Syd. "I quit." She glares at Angie, glares at Doof, and then stalks off.