Episode Report Card Erin: C+ | 1 USERS: B+ YOU GRADE IT Welcome to the Apple Store. Would you like a gun with your iPod?
By Erin | Season 4 | Episode 1 | Aired on 01.04.2005
Naughty Schoolgirl Syd's running through the streets of Shanghai, following some doof in a suit as "Cold Hard Bitch" by Jet plays over the soundtrack. Jennifer Garner has been working out, y'all. She looks damn good. And the team shooting this episode knows it, because the shots of her running go on for far too long, but she looks so good and the music's so rockin' that, really, it doesn't bother me that much. At first, it seems as if Sydney's chasing the doof, but it winds up that she's actually urging him on and sort of pointing out where he should be going. I never watched Felicity, but I'm told that the doof in the suit was on that show and that his name on the show was "Richard" and that, apparently, he was loved for being…well, a doof, actually. So I guess this role's appropriate. It's also yet another sign that Team Bad Robot hires and rehires people they dig. Which is nice.
Anyway, Doof (for that is his name and I shall call him Doof) keeps running, looking back at Syd to see what she's telling him. They keep running past a nicely integrated CGI shot of the actual Shanghai skyline. Syd shrieks at Doof to turn left on the next street. A bunch of baddies are chasing after them. Syd and Doof make it down an alley and reach a mesh door. Doof is all, "It'slockedit'slockedit'slocked!" Syd just smashes into it and they run through. Hee. See? He's a Doof. So, more running, more running, baddies chasing, et cetera. Finally, Syd and Doof make into a punk club and they run into a girl's bathroom. Syd slams the door shut behind some exiting chicks and locks it behind them. Doof starts yammering at her about demanding answers or some such shit. It would appear that Syd and Doof have been compromised, basically because Syd showed up about ten minutes late for a meet. Syd pulls some hidden guns out from beneath a sink, tosses one at Doof, and snaps at him to watch the door.
There's a certain amount of bickering back and forth between them about how Syd broke protocol or something, but all you really need to worry your pretty little heads about is how much of a doof Doof is and how much of a "loose cannon" he perceives Syd to be. Yes, it's mildly amusing dialogue and they're both funny, but again, not really furthering the storyline and, once we move on to the next couple of scenes, you'll see why recapping this scene in its entirety isn't really necessary. Someone bangs on the door, demanding to use the bathroom. Syd shouts something at her in Mandarin (so say the captions) and gets on the comm to some dude that she and Doof were supposed to meet. "Shopkeeper," as Syd calls him, is deep undercover and he's been compromised. As Syd talks to him on the comm, we hear on the other end what's supposed to sound like someone discovering Shopkeeper's location and basically shooting him. Doof is freaking out. Someone gets onto Shopkeeper's comm and says, "Hello, Sydney Bristow. I heard about what you're wearing. I like it." Okay, 1) ew and 2) I think they stuck that in there so Syd has to change her disguise, upping our disguise quotient to three in the space of less than ten minutes.
So, the ooky voice on the other end of the comm goes on to say something about Syd breaking radio silence and how that's sloppy. Syd demands to know what the dude wants, and he tells her he already has what he wants: they're tracking her broadcast right this second and they totally know where she is. Again, Doof totally freaks out. Syd just keeps her head, drops the comm in the sink, runs water over it, and pops a window open. She turns to Doof and starts ripping off his jacket. Doof is all, what're you doing NOW? I'm not just following you blindly again, 'kay? Syd's all, dude? I don't have time to type up an itinerary and load it into your damn PDA, all right? "Do what I say or you'll die," she snits, climbing up onto the sink. Doof rightly remarks that the window's too small for her to climb out. "I'm not climbing out," she replies, jumping back down with a finger full of black gunk that she's scraped from the sill. She orders Doof to close his eyes and then smears the gunk all over them. Doof says it burns and Syd just snarks that it's better than a bullet. She smears the rest of it over his lips and smudges some on his cheeks and then pulls her earring out of her ear and quickly jabs it into Doof's earlobe. Ow. And, considering how dark it is in the club, probably totally unnecessary.